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Post by Michael Brentley on Aug 5, 2010 21:01:14 GMT -5
Mike was glad to see the smile on her face, even if it was only a small one. At least he wasn’t making her feel worse at the moment, right? He figured he had done enough damage for one day and so he felt things could only get better from this point on. They had dealt with a lot of different obstacles throughout their relationship and they had been able to work through it, so he couldn’t imagine not being able to work this one out as well. They were much further along in their relationship now than they had been when they had faced other obstacles, so he figured it should be easier to work through things now than it would have been several months back. Then again, it was hard to think of how this all could have gone worse since it had already been so tough on the both of them. He never would have thought sitting through the trial would be so hard for him. His main concern during the trip had been whether or not he’d be able to provide all the comfort that Summer would need throughout the trial. Now he felt rather foolish for not being able to offer her much comfort at all and had actually made things more difficult. He hadn’t even considered the possibility of a scenario like this happening.
Her next comment made him smile. The silences were now tolerable for him since things seemed to be headed in a more positive direction now. He no longer feared the relationship’s end, though he couldn’t feel too much better until Summer was calm. His hand glided up and down her side gently as he listened to her words. It did make him feel better to hear her say that she felt he had the right to feel the way he did. He hadn’t thought of it that way up to that point, but he supposed it was true. There really was no way for him to prevent what he felt and there wasn’t anyone who could force him not to feel the way he did, no matter how odd those feelings may be. As she said “but”, he was a little nervous of what else she had to say about it. A small sigh escaped him as he suddenly felt a little defeated on the subject. His attempts to explain his feelings and the reactions that were a result of them had clearly failed and he had no clue how he could make her understand. It was then that he realized that it wasn’t something he could get her to understand until he was able to fully understand it himself. He had a little more than an hour to sort things out, and even though he felt he had much more of a grasp on how he felt than he had earlier, it still wasn’t to a point in which he could explain them logically along with the way he had acted towards her.
“I can’t expect you to,” he said as she told him she didn’t understand. “I hurt you and I can’t see any reason that can excuse that or even come close. I know it shouldn’t matter, being that it was so long ago, but somehow I was jealous and…I just didn’t know how to react. I don’t completely understand it myself,” he said, wondering if that made any sense at all. There really was no reason for him to be jealous, but hearing those men talk about her in that way really bothered him. Perhaps some of this was partially due to the fact that he was a little frustrated with himself over the matter. This was a subject that he wasn’t supposed to be this concerned with, at least according to what he had told Summer. He didn’t want her to feel pressured or anything like that, so he did what he could to convince her as well as himself that sex wasn’t a huge deal for him and that he didn’t mind waiting. Of course, Summer had probably figured out otherwise up to this point because waiting was much easier said than done and lately he had been struggling with it more than he ever had. The day’s testimony just made things more complicated.
It wasn’t that Michael wasn’t capable of going a few years without sex because he had done it before, but after having pictured their first time together in his head a hundred times, it became more difficult. Now that he had learned a few details about what Summer did with other guys, that moment in his head began to blur a little and all he could think about was the fact that there were plenty of guys who had had her first. It was stupid, he knew, which was why he didn’t know quite how to explain it. In a way it seemed it wasn’t fair, but he was well aware that Summer wasn’t trying to torture him or anything like that. She had gone through hell during the past few years and he didn’t blame her at all for not being ready. In fact, the more he thought about it, the more foolish he felt. After all, how would he feel if Summer suddenly seemed uncomfortable around him after hearing about one of his past girlfriends? It did make sense for Summer to be upset with him, but he simply couldn’t help the way he was feeling at the time.
When she spoke again, his thoughts focused back on the current situation. He held her a little tighter as she spoke as her tears came back with full force again. He nodded slightly and once she finished, feeling he had a grasp on what she was trying to say. Unfortunately, he wasn’t entirely sure what to do either. “We both know you need the support more than I do. I’ll get through it and if I feel I need to talk to you about it, I will. However, I don’t want you to feel overwhelmed and I’m so sorry for not being more aware of it before. I’ll be here for you the rest of the way, I promise. I’m not going to get tied up in my own frustrations and fears anymore,” he assured her as he kissed the top of her head. “I…I may not be in the courtroom tomorrow, unless you really feel you need me there. I’ll be waiting for you right outside. I want to be there for you, and now I’m not sure if I can be if I hear anymore. I just…I guess I thought I was stronger than this,” he confessed, shrugging his shoulders slightly as he felt himself get a little emotional again, mostly due to being frustrated with himself once again. He still didn’t know how he could let this happen. It didn’t seem to be worth it at all.
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Post by Summer Jackson on Aug 9, 2010 23:47:07 GMT -5
Summer hadn’t been anticipating Michael having so much trouble with the trial either. She knew it wouldn’t be as easy as he seemed to think it should be, but she also didn’t think they would have to have extensive talks about everything every night or that she would have to worry about the relationship lasting. She loved him and knew that he loved her so why had this become such an issue? She just didn’t understand why this should be anything they had to work though at all. It wasn’t like she had suddenly sprung the fact that she wasn’t a virgin on him, or let the men talking about her past sex be a surprise for him when they showed up on the stand. She completely understood why this would be difficult for him, why wouldn’t it be difficult for him? What she was having a hard time with was why these difficulties had to affect the way they acted towards each other. There was obviously a disconnect between the two of them, neither seemed to understand why the other was so upset and that’s what they were working on now, Summer was just a little upset that this had been a problem at all, but they couldn’t change that. What had happened happened, and it sucked but the two of them would work it out, they always did and it didn’t do either of them any good if she couldn’t calm herself down over the matter. Too bad her unconscious mind didn’t always see things as logically as her conscious mind did.
Feeling his hands on her side she glanced down to see what he was doing, but didn’t do anything to stop him and instead just turned her head back to the way it was before, with the side of her face against his strong chest, able to hear his heartbeat. This really was one of her favorite places to be, wrapped in Michael’s arms. Too bad she couldn’t enjoy herself with how stressed out she currently was. Needless to say, this was a much more enjoyable when he was just holding her because he felt like it or after they spent some good amount of time being intimate or whatever else. Still, feeling his arms around her did manage to relax her a bit. At least enough so she could listen to his words without choking back tears, which was nice. She gently held her arms around him as he spoke, her fingers grabbing onto his shirt loosely as her eyes closed in an attempt to relax.
“I’d be jealous,” she said softly, not looking up at him as she did. “I’d be a… a giant green-eyed monster, I’d wanna claw the girl’s eyes out,” she admitted with a slight giggle, which was also slightly forced, but she was doing her best. She glanced up at him with a small smirk and set her head on his shoulder. “I never would, of course, but…” she shrugged and sighed as she shifted so she could be slightly closer to him, even though it required her to go up onto his lap slightly, which she hoped he didn’t mind. It wasn’t something that normally bothered him, she knew from experience, but she was nervous to try anything at the moment. “I… I don’t get why you keep saying it shouldn’t matter. It hurt you, that much is obvious, and I hate that it did but… you have a right to be hurt. I understand why you are and it’s okay. I’m just… I’m not mad because your upset, I’m just hurt because you let it…” she paused for a second, not wanting to blame him, “we let it get between us.”
Summer would never say it out loud, but she was starting to feel some pressure from Michael when it came to their physical relationship. Luckily, this pressure was fairly recent, stemming only slightly from his actions and reactions in the bedroom, but mostly from seeing how he reacted to the trial going on around him. Last night’s talk in the hotel room was when she really started to worry about it and now she couldn’t help but wonder if there wouldn’t be this much strain on their relationship if they had sex before now, if he already knew what she liked in bed and wasn’t hearing anything before he could experience it. She was just really starting to worry about it and she also knew it was something they would have to have a talk about if she continued to feel his was pushing her for a little too much. She knew she couldn’t do anything before she was ready if they expected the relationship to last, but that was getting harder and harder, even if Mike wasn’t trying to even hunt at anything.
Summer would also adamantly deny the idea that she had been with plenty of guys. A few, sure, but wasn’t plenty pushing it a little bit? It was just the three he had seen and two others… okay, maybe it was plenty considering that she had that five when she was sixteen. She had really been a serial monogamist; it was the only way to really put it. She had been dating every one of the guys when she slept with them and she really did think she had cared for them. Sure one of them was with her just for the sex, another for her parents’ money but she was young and naïve at the time. She hated that she had been so stupid back then and really wished she had waited for a man she cared for in the way she cared for Michael before giving herself to anyone in that way. She really wished Michael could be her first and only to touch her in such a way, but she couldn’t change the past now. Sure, she was a vastly different person now but that didn’t change the fact that she had been with men before and that the fact was hard for Mike to hear. She just wished she could make it easier for him.
Summer nodded to his words before feeling him place a kiss on the top of her head, which made a small smile appear on her lips once again. When he continued, however, Summer’s head changed to a shake, to say she didn’t need him there. All he had been doing was sitting behind her then causing long talks between the two of them later that night. It wasn’t something she felt she needed anymore. “It’s not about how strong you are,” she tried to convince. She leaned back and looked at him with a fairly confused look. “You’ve heard guys talk about sleeping with your girlfriend for two days straight,” she decided not to mention the fact that the first man was also the one who raped her. “Any half decent boyfriend would be pissed,” and that was really all she could think to say on the matter. “But… what are scared of?” she couldn’t help but ask, thinking back to slightly earlier in the conversation. “I just mean, I understand why your frustrated, but what are those fears? I don’t want you bring scared of anything,” she sighed deeply and put her face back into his chest, letting one hand wander up to play with his hair a bit. She was just really trying to understand what he was going through now, that and get their relationship back on tract because she was already tired of being scared to kiss her boyfriend of over one year.
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Post by Michael Brentley on Aug 10, 2010 20:51:47 GMT -5
Something that always seemed to help ease Michael’s stress in these types of situations was the simple fact that there was a good amount of relationships out there that wouldn’t have lasted if they were put through the same obstacles as he and Summer had faced thus far. Few people were willing to fight through that, but what they had was something he felt was a rare find in more modern relationships. After sorting through a series of doubts about whether their relationship was a good idea in the first place, Mike was more confident than ever that it would last. It wasn’t easy accepting the fact that he was in love with one of his former students and it had been harder when she was still a current student of his. Grading her papers, seeing her name on the class’s role sheet; it was all very weird for him and made him question his decision to be with her. Looking back, it was a huge relief to have been discovered now that it was all said and done. He wasn’t sure how much longer he would have been able to deal with the strangeness of having to treat her as he would any of his other students while class was in session, only to go home and perhaps share an intimate moment with her later on that day. Thankfully, they were past that slight awkwardness, and in addition to what they went through with her parents, her father in particular, he couldn’t be happier that they had made it this far.
So then why had he been so nervous? Why did he fear losing her after all this time, everything they’d been through? He supposed he just felt he was too damn lucky to have her. He couldn’t be blamed for wondering if it was too good to be true every once and awhile, could he? Sure, it had hardly been smooth sailing up to this point, but he couldn’t help but think about how fortunate he was for things to turn out as they had. If he had acted on his fears and doubts in the very beginning, none of this would be possible right now. It was thoughts like these that were helping him get past what he had heard during the trial. She had told him he had every right to feel the way he did, but then why was he so frustrated with himself? Probably because he let it go too far. He let it blind him, making him oblivious to Summer’s needs and the reasons behind why she was upset with him. It had confused him and maybe even smacked him around emotionally, but he supposed he just never wanted Summer to see the hurt in the first place. He didn’t want her to worry, but instead he created more of an issue of it than he ever could have intended.
A smile touched his lips as she spoke about how she would want to claw the eyes out of the girls of his past. “You’d never what? Claw their eyes out or turn into a giant green-eyed monster?” he joked, clearly just teasing her in attempt to possibly cheer her up a little. It had been beyond a stressful day for her and he was determined to spend the rest of the day making it better for her. As she moved closer to him, he reached a hand over to rest on her leg for a second before deciding to pull it away, which made him want to smack his head against the wall. He knew the movement wasn’t something that could go unnoticed, not with Summer, he shifted a little and gently pulled her legs closer to him to indicate he wanted her to place them over his lap. The images may still be lingering in the back of his mind, but he refused to let that control his actions any longer. The idea of not being able to touch her due to issues of his own really tore at him and above anything else confused him. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to. He could never not want her, but there was something that kept him slightly hesitant. It wasn’t nearly to the degree it had been a few hours earlier, but it clearly wasn’t back to what either of them could call normal. He decided he just needed to fight through it, to shake the thoughts away as best he could, which seemed to help a little. He smiled at her, trying to let her know that he was okay and that he really did want to be close to her, to touch her.
He listened closely and nodded when she was finished speaking. It all made much more sense to him now. He considered her words carefully before coming up with some kind of explanation. “I guess it’s just…well, I’m frustrated with myself. I mean, I figured I wouldn’t like it, but this?” he let out a small breath, shook his head. “I wasn’t expecting this at all…to feel this way. I needed some time, which I should have taken advantage of while I was outside the courtroom. I wanted to pretend like it didn’t affect me, but I obviously failed miserably and it was a mistake to think that I could,” he explained. A part of him was confused as to how she could think this wouldn’t affect them negatively somehow. Well, maybe she did, but then maybe neither of them expected the extent of it, which just made things worse. Neither of them had been prepared and they both wanted some sort of comfort and guidance that wasn’t available thanks to the state they were both in after the testimony. He hoped this would make a lot more sense to him in a few days because at the moment he was still a little baffled as to how things unfolded the way they did and he still wondered just how it could have been avoided. Well, other than having him sit outside of the courtroom, of course.
A small nod was given along with a hint of a smirk as she understood him being upset. It was a fair and obvious question, yet he didn’t seem to have a simplified answer at this point. He considered it for a long moment before attempting to explain. “I…” he began, but decided to gather his thoughts another moment before continuing. “Well, I guess it was a lot of things. I was worried I was going to say the wrong thing, do the wrong thing. That was one of the reasons I left the room…other than the fact you told me to, but…” he stopped himself and took another moment to think. “What we have…it’s so amazing to me. You’re so amazing to me. For a little while I guess I was just so afraid of losing you, it just added to the chaos that was going on in my head. Now none of those fears seem rational at all,” he admitted, pulling her closer to him again before realizing they were spending a lot of time talking about him again. Then again, it made sense to sort this one out before attempting to tackle anything else, didn’t it? He wanted to kiss her, along with other things, just to show her that he could, but at the same time he was content just holding her in his arms again and letting his nonsensical thoughts slowly drift away.
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Post by Summer Jackson on Aug 13, 2010 23:40:43 GMT -5
Summer giggled slightly at Michael’s joke, biting her lip as she did. “Stop it,” she said not long after as she pushed playfully against his chest. She did wish they could just go back into one of their joking conversations, she loved those, but she knew that wasn’t possible right now. They weren’t nearly to the point where they could just drop everything they were talking about to relax a little bit, even though she felt that was all she really needed. In fact, she felt that she really just needed Mike to give her a nice massage that night after they cuddled up to watch some romantic comedy. She felt it would really help her out if she could just feel like her boyfriend loved her. There was a huge difference between someone telling you they loved you and someone showing you they loved you and she felt that, while Michael was doing fine on the former, the latter needed some work over the past couple days.
After her position shifted and she felt Michael’s hand rest on her leg she gave him a slight smile, only to have the smile wiped off her face completely when she felt his hand move again. She glanced down at her leg than up to her face, which is when she felt him start to shift a little as well. “What?” she demanded as she felt him pull at her legs. She squirmed as he did. “No,” was all she said right away before finding herself pulling her legs up slightly, still careful not to hit him in the face with her knee or anything like that, “Stop it!” she finished, forcefully, making sure he had taken his hands off her before she let her legs rest on the bed again and moving back to her original position, completely off his lap. She didn’t move away from him and allowed his arms to stay around her, but did turn her back to him slightly as she felt tears sting her eyes once again. Why couldn’t he just touch her? It was killing her inside to think that her boyfriend, who usually had issues keeping his hands off her, had to think about when and how to touch her while they were alone in her room. If he wanted her she just didn’t understand why he couldn’t show her that. Of course, it didn’t help that he didn’t know why he felt the need to pull away from her. Right now, though, she just felt like her boyfriend wanted nothing to do with her and, for obvious reasons, that didn’t help her already low self-esteem.
Summer had to admit that she wasn’t expecting such a negative effect on their relationship from the trial, and if she knew this is what would happen she would have thought yet again about going to trial in the first place. Yes, she did believe Scott had to be brought to justice, but this was hard on her and with everything that had been taken from her because of Scott she didn’t feel it was exactly fair to also allow him to hurt the healthy relationship she was currently in. She did think Michael would be able to handle it better because it wasn’t like anything he had heard had taken him by surprise. He knew she had been brutally raped and beaten, he knew the defense Scott was using and he knew she had been with men in the past and that they would be there talking about it as well. Sure, it wouldn’t be easy to actually hear, she knew that, but she didn’t expect a reaction this extreme. She nodded when he finished speaking, resting the back of her head on his chest, not sure what to say, and still a little angry about what had just happened, so didn’t say anything at all.
“I didn’t want you to,” she said softly, a twinge of defensiveness in her voice when he spoke about leaving the room. Sure, she did tell him to leave, but she thought she made it clear enough that she would rather he stayed and sorted things out but instead of telling him that she had given him the option. He didn’t have to say or do anything, just stay there with her maybe run his hands through her hair until she calmed down a little bit. Instead he took her words for every bit of truth he heard, which she understood, but that didn’t mean she enjoyed. When he continued to speak she couldn’t help but smile slightly through her tears. What could she say, she enjoyed being called amazing. Summer leaned back on him with a little more of her weight and sighed deeply as he continued. She shook her head, in her way of agreeing with him, when he said his fears weren’t rational. She allowed him to pull her closer and shifted her position once again, so her back wasn’t too him.
“You could never lose me,” she said softly, relaxing in his arms once again. She would really love him to kiss her, but not because he wanted to prove that he could. She wanted him to kiss her, hold her, touch her because he wanted to, not because he felt he should. And she was still very much worried that he would reject her if she tried something again and that felt too horrible to subject herself to a second time. After a second she did what he had wanted earlier and moved to place her legs over his lap, leaning her torso against him and wrapping her arms up towards his neck. “I love you so much, I really wish none of this happened,” she said, sighing deeply and closing her eyes. “I can’t believe he’s still controlling me this much,” she mused, almost more to herself than to Michael. Scott had certainly gotten his power trip when he raped her, three years of it. Summer had lived in fear and isolation for three years and when she finally went to stop it Scott somehow found a new way to control her, this time through something close and dear to her. All she had wanted was her own power trip and now she was just wishing that she had let it go and didn’t bother with the trial at all. She had been improving, anyone could see that, and she would rather continue with her steady improvement than risk something happening between her and Michael.
“I… I hate that he can hurt you,” she tried to explain, knowing she wasn’t doing too well but hoping he would get the gist of how she was feeling. “Like… you’ve always been my rock and something I could turn to, but… now,” she shrugged slightly, thinking he could get where she was going. “I… I’m just so tired of him getting in the way of my life. And… it’s not fair that I can’t go a day without thinking of him and how he affects everyone around me and I’m sure he didn’t think about me until the day he was arrested,” as she spoke her voice contained more anger, but this time directed towards where it should be, the man who was responsible for not only her hurt, but the current problems between her and Mike. She was crying again and had her face buried in Michael’s shirt as she felt tears drip slightly down her cheeks. For something that was supposed to make her feel in control she was really starting to feel like she had no say in how it affected her at all, and that made her question everything.
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Post by Michael Brentley on Aug 26, 2010 23:56:36 GMT -5
He was glad he found something to say that could make her laugh a little. It clearly wasn’t easy to lighten the mood given the current subject and there was still plenty that had yet to be resolved and his actions showed it. Her reaction was exactly what he hoped not to receive, but at the same time he knew he couldn’t avoid it. He let go as soon as she started to move her legs in a way that indicated she clearly didn’t want him to touch her after making it obvious that he still wasn’t entirely comfortable with it. Why? He still wasn’t sure. He supposed he was just letting an awkwardness linger between them and wasn’t sure how to get around it. It wasn’t just that day’s testimony; it was a mix of what he had heard over the past two days coming back to him. This made him all the more frustrated and he was fighting to get past it, though it was rather difficult given the current situation. He knew that having more time alone wasn’t practical after already making Summer feel as if he no longer was attracted to her or whatever else might be a reason for her boyfriend to not be comfortable with any sort of intimacy at the moment.
His thoughts remained twisted up and unclear as he struggled to find a way to make things right, but he knew that nothing would be instant. He wanted to tell her all the whys about how he was feeling, but he still wasn’t sure how. It didn’t seem to make a lot of sense to anyone else because he was told about the trial beforehand, but it didn’t help him as much as he would have thought. Hearing about what was going to be said was far different from hearing the actual testimony. Sure, Summer had told him that the first day they would be talking about what happened to her, which he could already assume, but he clearly didn’t know any of the details other than the fact she had been raped. That was something Michael didn’t want her to have to share with him on her own, which was why he sat through it, but it was extremely difficult for him. He didn’t think any boyfriend would be able to stand it. So, in a way, it was a surprise. Well, shocking, more like it. He had been in a small state of shock after hearing the details of what happened to her, so it was hard for him to act perfectly normal. Now adding the testimony of that day to that, he was still having a bit of trouble coping. Yes, he knew very vaguely what was going to be said, but he didn’t really know. Now everything was swarming around in his mind and acting normal around her without clearing his head was near impossible at this point.
A small nod was given when she challenged his words a bit. Michael did know on some level that she would have preferred him to stay, but again, he didn’t think it would be wise given the circumstances. He would be in a far worse position than he was now, which he didn’t think would help their situation any. “I know,” he said softly, as he wasn’t sure what else to say at that moment. He did want to touch her and kiss her, he really did. He hated this awkward feeling, but it wasn’t something he seemed to be able to help at the moment. He certainly didn’t want it to feel as if they had only been dating for a week, but things were getting a little better in his mind, so it could only improve from here, right? It made him feel a bit relieved when he felt her weight shift back to him and was turned toward him again. He pressed his lips to her forehead and pulled away after a few seconds. Mike knew it was only a matter of time before things went back to normal, just as long as they were both willing to work through this and it was apparent that they were. It helped significantly to know that they both wanted this relationship to work and had no intention of letting something like this end things between them or even come close.
It brought a smile to his face to hear her say he could never lose her. It just reassured him that there wasn’t anything that they couldn’t work through together. He sighed and held her close when she spoke again. “I know it’s hard to see it now, but there is some good that will come out of this. He’ll be locked away and once I…get over whatever stubborn feelings I have, I know it will only bring us closer. It’s not easy to believe that right now, I know, but I do,” he told her. He knew she had been second guessing her decision to take Scott to trial, and he wanted to help her find the good in it all. There were a few things Michael would have done differently up to this point, sure, but he didn’t think that the trial was something Summer should have avoided. It would take some time, but he knew they would both be grateful for it despite the mishaps in their relationship. The more he thought about it, the more he realized he should have seen it coming. This was his girlfriend’s rape they were talking about; how could he expect not to be this upset about it?
He continued to listen, though he was confused when she mentioned Scott hurting him. A part of him wanted to deny it, but he supposed it was true in a sense. The man had raped the woman he was in love with. It had been before they met, sure, but that didn’t change the facts. It had been awful hearing the details about what he did to her and as he felt before, he would easily resort to brutally beating Scott if they were ever left alone in a room together. Not that that would solve anything, but it would be a result of the anger that Michael felt. Of course, his aggression couldn’t possibly compare to the anger that Summer felt towards the man that attacked her along with every other emotion besides those relating to happiness, he supposed. “I’m still your rock…I just got a little deflated for a while,” he tried to joke, though he wasn’t sure how successful it was. “This is exactly why you’re doing this, Summer. It’s hard now, but soon he’ll be locked away and he won’t be able to hurt you anymore, or anyone for that matter. It’ll be over soon,” he tried to assure her as he rubbed her back gently. He remained silent for several moments to allow her to cry for a bit as he held her because he knew she couldn’t help it at this point.
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Post by Summer Jackson on Aug 30, 2010 22:34:42 GMT -5
Summer was a girl more or less used to instant gratification and right now she was in the mindset that things wouldn’t be better between her and Michael until he was treating her as he was before the trial started, and until that happened she knew she was going to be on edge and he was going to have to watch what he said and did if he didn’t want to upset her again. She was just having a really hard time allowing the idea that they would be fine later even if they weren’t fine now sink into her brain. She wanted everything to be better now. She wanted to feel that he would be fine with her pushing him onto his back and shoving her tongue into his mouth at this moment because he would never have a problem with that before, but she didn’t feel he’d even be okay with it now, much less like it. In fact, she felt that he would just push her off if she tried and she knew she was going to be cold until she no longer had that feeling. Honestly, though, she felt that if she had that feeling he was being cold towards her as well so maybe her actions weren’t as bad as she thought they were. She was trying, but she couldn’t warm up towards him if he would do the same.
She closed her eyes when his lips touched her forehead and sure, it did make her feel slightly better, but she did wish he would have kissed her lips or even her neck. It would have made her feel a lot better in her current situation. Of course she enjoyed any attention from him and she would never tell him to stop kissing her forehead, because she did like it, but right now she honestly wanted to feel that he wanted her sexually. Sure, often times that would make her nervous and she would be watching him close to make sure he didn’t do anything she wasn’t all right with, but now she wanted to know he didn’t see her differently. She wanted to know he didn’t see her as used goods that he no longer wanted anything to do with and kissing her forehead wasn’t going to do that for her. Okay, fine, maybe she was being just a little picky and was requiring a lot from him, but just like he couldn’t help the way the trial made him feel she couldn’t help the way his actions made her feel.
Summer couldn’t help but scoff when he said that there was some good that was going to come from the trail. Sure, deep in the back of her mind she did know that, if this trial turned out the way she wanted it to, good things would come out of it. The thing she was most scared of in life would be gone and he wouldn’t be out there and possibly hurt other women as well. That being said, she still couldn’t see how any of this could help their relationship. She couldn’t see how it could have gotten better before this trial started, if he could ignore the whole idea that they didn’t have sex, which she knew was getting hard for him, but they had proven to be good for each other and they were both very much in love. She just wanted things to go back to the way they were, she didn’t care about being closer, more or less, she just cared about the two of them not being distant. Don’t mess with what works, right?
“If we’re gonna get closer you’re gonna have to start touching my like my boyfriend instead of my father,” okay, maybe she was being a little over dramatic about the whole thing and of course her father would never hold her as Michael currently was or kiss her forehead for as long as he did, but maybe that would get the point across. When it really came down it, Summer’s main issue between them right now was simply the fact that he was acting so differently around her. She was still the same person and just because he had now heard what happened to her didn’t mean it had just happened the night before. Sure, she hated hearing and talking about all this again, and she hated that Michael had heard it, but she didn’t feel any different. She still felt like his girlfriend and she still loved him more than she could describe so the fact that he was giving her mixed signals did nothing but confuse her. Last night he had assured her that he would be fine after hearing the testimony today and it was more than obvious that fine didn’t explain how he was feeling at the moment.
“A deflated rock?” Summer asked, at first being totally serious before realizing how funny what he just said was and smiling slightly, pushing her face into his chest as she did. “You still feel nice and strong at least,” she said softly, a hand running down his bicep with his sleeve between her hand and his arm. She couldn’t deny that being wrapped up in his strong arms was never something that would get old. After he spoke again she continued to spend a good deal of time crying into his chest. When she finally managed to get her breath back she figured she should answer him. “He’ll always hurt me,” she said softly, still not removing her face from his chest. “I’ll always be a rape victim… and we both know that and it’s something I’ve accepted a long time ago,” she said softly, moving her hand over to the side of his neck. “I just… I thought you had accepted that too, and I know knowing about it and hearing about it are different but… I don’t know,” she sighed deeply and shook her head. “And I know it’s hard, I know but… it is part of who I am, which sucks, but there’s nothing we can do except… try to work past it I guess,” she finished, reaching up to kiss his cheek, hoping he’d allow it with no issue.
Summer sat there with her legs over Michael’s lap for a few more minutes before she heard a knock on the door. She didn’t say anything, but after a few moments the door cracked open slightly, to see Riley’s head peak in. “Hey honey,” she said, Summer forced a smile, “Mike,” she continued, “dinner will be ready really soon if you wanna come down,” Summer nodded and Riley gave a small smile before backing out of the room, but before she closed the door she peaked back in and said something to Summer in Spanish, to which Summer nodded again before the door was closed and Summer started to peel herself away from her boyfriend. She reached up to wipe tears away from her eyes and took a deep breath. “I think food will do us both some good,” she said softly before glancing at herself in the mirror. Her eyes were swollen and she really wished they weren’t, she didn’t need her father to start badgering Mike as to why she was crying.
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Post by Michael Brentley on Sept 30, 2010 2:25:17 GMT -5
Optimism was something Michael figured he had to rely on until things were back to the way they both thought they should be. He felt it wasn’t good for them to dwell on the moment at hand, but that didn’t seem like an option either. If his mind didn’t clear up by morning, then he would start to panic a little, but not now. It seemed silly to worry too much about his current mindset because he was almost certain that it would change in a matter of a short time. Of course, optimism wasn’t enough to convince Summer that things were going to be okay, which he understood. After how he had acted the previous day in addition to how he acted today, there was plenty of room for concern. The most important thing right now, in his mind, was getting the trial over with. There was just too much going on for them to possibly focus completely on their relationship. He knew Summer had to be exhausted both physically and emotionally from everything that was going on and he also knew that he was partially to blame for that even though he couldn’t necessarily help it.
The attempted optimism was again shot down rather easily, but this time he had to admit he was a bit insulted. An exaggeration, clearly, but at the same time he couldn’t deny the implications. He gave her a sheepish look and sighed gently. “I’m sorry,” was all he seemed to be able to say at that moment. It was clear what she wanted from him, but what could he do? Neither of them would be made any better off if he started forcing himself to be more intimate with her. Patience was the key here, but it seemed to be running short for both of them. Mike was growing more and more frustrated with this awkward feeling he had and he knew Summer wasn’t at all happy about it either. “I just need time,” he told her, even though he was sure it wasn’t something she would want to hear from him, but he also knew it wasn’t likely he’d be able to tell her what he thought she would want to hear while maintaining some level of honesty.
Mike did realize the error in logic with his comment, but decided it got the point across at least. A smile touched his lips as she called him out on it. “Well balloons aren’t tough enough and…yeah,” he said with a small chuckle. It still didn’t make any more sense than it did the first time, but at least he got her to see the humor in it. Her comment helped made him feel slightly relieved, but he wasn’t sure how long that would last with the way things were going. He rubbed her back gently as she sobbed into his chest. This was something he’d come to expect whenever they came back to the subject of the rape. He was trying to get her to see the bright side, but he wasn’t very successful thus far. It was difficult to do when he could never completely understand what she was going through.
He listened to her words, but wasn’t exactly sure what to think of them. The word “accepted” seemed a little out of place to him. His eyebrows narrowed slightly in confusion as he stared across the room. “Summer, that’s not who you are at all. Not to me,” he countered, even though he knew she was referring to a different context as well. Mike had never thought of her in that sense and he didn’t think of her as a different person after hearing about what happened. It would just take a while to soak in and get past the awkwardness. It was clearly a setback in her life and affected her in many ways, but he wanted to be able to look past that and he hoped she would be able to someday as well. It was difficult for him to do at the moment, sure, because his mind was still wrapped around the trial, but for the most part he had always tried to focus on what a great person she was despite her obstacles. That was something that he knew would help him get past the mindset he was in now. “We will work past it. We’re bound to hit a few rough patches, but it’ll get better,” he said, still trying to remain optimistic.
Michael glanced over towards the door as he noticed Riley’s head peeking through it. A small nod was given when she mentioned dinner. He then looked at Summer curiously after her sister had said something in Spanish. Learning a different language wasn’t something he pursued. He did take a few French classes in high school, but he remembered very little. He gave another nod when she mentioned food. It was hard to do much of anything on an empty stomach, so he figured that might be part of the reason he wasn’t able to think entirely clearly. Then again, it could just be the temptation to place the blame on something else. He stood up after another moment and walked over to her so that he could look in the mirror with her. “You know, even with those puffy eyes, you’re still beautiful,” he said as he leaned over and kissed her cheek. A compliment couldn’t hurt, he figured, but he did mean it. She looked good no matter what. He took her hand and lead her towards the door, if she allowed it. “Let’s go eat. Though I hope your dad wasn’t planning on making me the main course,” he joked, once again trying to lighten the mood and relieve his own anxiety as well. Things were getting better between him and Victor, but he knew they still had a ways to go after he had pointed his finger at Michael earlier concerning Summer.
Before they could make it out the door, however, Michael stopped and turned to face her. “I think I forgot something,” he said softly as he stared at her face for a short moment. He leaned in and felt his body tingle a little bit, which had to be a good sign. His lips massaged against hers and for a moment he worried that those thoughts would come back and stop him in his tracks, but once he was kissing her, there was no easy way to stop. He let it linger a while and when he finally pulled away, he looked at her with a slight smile on his lips. He only hoped that she didn’t have a problem with it and thought it was forced, but he felt it was fairly easy to tell that it wasn’t. The impulse had come to him a bit suddenly, but it was genuine nonetheless. “I almost forgot how good that feels,” he said, still smiling while at the same time hoping his actions wouldn’t backfire on him. By no means did he believe he would be comfortable with just anything as of yet, but this seemed to be a step in the right direction. Of course, it could just be his fear of discomfort that was holding him back, rather than discomfort itself. He supposed he wouldn’t know unless he tried.
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Post by Summer Jackson on Oct 15, 2010 0:39:14 GMT -5
Michael’s apology just made Summer scoff. Sorry didn’t help the way she was feeling right now. She felt like Michael was a kid who had just learned that lying was bad so told the truth about everything. Generally with kids it was to say that dinner wasn’t as good as it normally was or that they didn’t like mommy’s new dress but when it was a twenty-six-year-old guy in a committed relationship apparently that made them show their girlfriend that so much as touching them was an uncomfortable action. Though Summer hated to say it, she couldn’t deny that there had been multiple times since the two of them had gotten together that she just wasn’t comfortable with something and went through with it anyway. She could also say that, by the end of every make-out session or whatever else that started with Summer being reluctant ended with her being more than into it. Mike was really talking to the wrong person when it came to being uncomfortable. His girlfriend was uncomfortable with half the stuff she had to do in her daily life so she really didn’t understand why he couldn’t just deal with it if it was going to make her feel better, which wasn’t something she could guarantee, but all means, but it was something that she felt would help.
“Mike… I don’t have time,” Summer finally counteracted, her voice probably more firm than Michael would be used to hearing it. “I need your support now, not whenever you’re ready to give it,” she almost snapped, eyes rolling and her head shaking. Something she didn’t want to bring up at the moment, however, was her father. She knew that if Michael didn’t start supporting her they would be in for trouble. The last thing she wanted was for her father to start questioning Michael’s ability to take care of her. Of course, she would love for that not to be an issue but even Michael would have to admit that she wouldn’t be able to handle life on her own just yet. That was why boarding school was such a bust and if Michael hadn’t been at the boarding school with her she would have left for home after two months in California. She was glad it didn’t turn out that way, however, because she did enjoy the slight sense of freedom she got living away from her parents. Michael did, in fact, make her feel way more independent than her parents did, so that was nice.
Summer was glad she had developed the ability to hold her tongue because if she had said everything she wanted to Michael wouldn’t be human if he wasn’t seriously insulted. When he mentioned a balloon her first thought was to let him know that he wasn’t tough enough either. Granted, she was already crying a little too hard to make him understand what she was trying to say in the first place. She scoffed when he spoke again, reaching up to try and clear tears away from her cheeks. Sure, it was nice to hear, of course, but his actions recently had been telling her otherwise. “Then prove it,” she finally said in response. “Saying something like that can only get you so far.” She felt like she was trying to explain this to a child, slowly getting blunter and blunter as she tried to get him to understand why she was so upset. It didn’t seem to be working, at least not in her mind.
Once Mike came up to her so look in the mirror Summer turned her head to see him walk up behind her. She ran a hand through her hair and pushed lightly against her eye, just to see if it looked any better, which it didn’t of course. She gave only a slight smirk at his compliment and kiss. Let’s just say, with the way she was feeling, it was going to take more than that to make her feel better, especially when it would have helped significantly if he would have said that well before he left her sobbing on the couch. She did allow Michael to take her hand and followed him towards the door. “Riley just told me he’s on a rampage,” she said, figuring there was no need to keep it a secret. Her sisters tended to go a little overboard when it came to their Spanish when Mike was around. It wasn’t like she didn’t tell him what was going on after they left the room anyway. “And I’m sorry, babe, but he has a right this time,” she said, shrugging her narrow shoulders. He left her crying in the living room, not even bothering to tell someone where she was. Yeah, she understood why her father was fuming. “Just keep your mouth shut, it’ll probably be better,” she suggested, ready to head out the door, but was stopped by him before she could even reach out to open it.
When he began to kiss her Summer had to admit she had half a mind to push him away and asked how he liked it, but she had enough sense to realize that two wrongs didn’t make a right and wasn’t going to do that. Instead she managed to make herself massage her lips against his, though didn’t move beyond that. “And whose fault is that?” she asked after he had broken the kiss. She hadn’t been stopping him from kissing her. In fact, that’s what she’s been wanting since they got back. With a deep breath she turned away and grasped his hand more firmly in hers and started to lead him out of the room. She called to Boggart before turning off the light and closing the door behind her. She led him down the stairs and into the dining room, keeping her head down the whole time to try and avoid anyone seeing the tears that were in her eyes.
They ate, well, Summer picked at the food but that shouldn’t be surprising, in relative silence. They all knew what the rest of them had done that day and Summer could feel the glare Michael was getting from her father from the seat beside him. After dessert had been picked up people started to go their separate ways, Josie out to the stable and Riley had a date while Maggie drug her husband off before he could try to take a chunk out of Mike. Summer led Michael back into the rarely used room they had entered right when they came back from the court house and took a seat on the couch. She took a deep breath and pushed hair away from her face. “Babe… I think I’m gonna stay here tonight,” she said, refusing to look up at him as she spoke. She knew that wouldn’t be something he wanted to hear and she knew it wouldn’t really help their current situation but until he gave her the support she needed she was going to have to find it elsewhere.
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Post by Michael Brentley on Nov 16, 2010 23:52:46 GMT -5
If Michael could pretend he didn’t feel as strange as he did, he probably would have. However, the reality was that it was difficult to slip any sort of emotion past Summer. She could always tell if something was wrong and so he didn’t see how pretending things were okay would get him very far. Of course, it didn’t matter either way because the issue was that he had been uncomfortable to a point that was beyond what he could possibly understand himself. He had little time to sort out what he had heard during the trial and he simply couldn’t be as strong as he wanted to be for her. He felt guilty, absolutely, but he just wasn’t sure what he could have really changed in that situation given the circumstances. Something Michael wouldn’t admit was that Summer’s age played a small factor in all of this. She was young and well, fragile and for some reason she seemed more fragile than ever throughout the trial and he didn’t know how to deal with that.
He was a little surprised when she spoke to him so firmly. He let go of a short sigh and stared down at his hands for a moment. It seemed pointless to argue, since he figured it wouldn’t get him anywhere. Michael was having a hard time grasping everything all at once, but it was clear he wasn’t going to get much support in that area considering he wasn’t the one he needed it most right now; not even close. Nonetheless, she couldn’t expect him to be able to drop whatever it was he was feeling and be as strong as she wanted him to be. He had just heard the details of how his girlfriend was raped, something her family had known for a long time and had had time to process. He didn’t know it would be this hard, otherwise he would have planned things out a lot differently and probably would have chosen to sit the trial out. His intentions had completely revolved around supporting Summer and he felt awful for not being able to do that the last few days.
Her words hit him hard again. It was very painful to know that Summer was now questioning how he felt about her. Yes, it was apparent that he was treating her like a rape victim now more than he ever had, but he had never viewed her in that sense before and he felt that it would be very short-lived if anything. He just wished she could believe him now, but he supposed he could have expected her response. The guilt was tearing at him even more each time she reiterated what he already knew, but he was trying. He was trying to fight whatever images or thoughts were preventing him from acting normally around her and he realized that trying wasn’t going to cut it. Unfortunately that’s all he seemed to be able to do for now. Things were slowly reverting back to how he had hoped they would be all along in terms of his state of mind, but Summer wasn’t willing to wait another minute and he couldn’t blame her for that. After what she had been put through the last couple of days, it shouldn’t be too much to ask to have a boyfriend that will be there by her side no matter what.
Michael was glad that Summer translated Riley’s words for him. He didn’t like the fact that he couldn’t understand a word of Spanish, but maybe that was something he could learn from Summer at some point. It wasn’t surprising that Victor was fuming, but he was a little surprised by what Summer had to say about it. He looked at her questioningly and was hardly in agreement with what she had said. “Ok…” was all he said. It was clear that no one in her family was happy with him, including Summer and he feared what sorts of conversations would arise at the dinner table. Of course he wasn’t going to say anything. With that many people against you, it simply wasn’t smart. He’d just have to sit there and take it if things turned out that way, but he tried to hope for the best. This wasn’t something he wanted to happen and he really couldn’t help how he had felt. He made some mistakes, obviously, but a complete lack of clear thinking didn’t help him.
Dinner was awkward and uncomfortable, to say the least. Michael could feel Victor’s eyes on him, but he refused to look in his direction out of fear of what he might say. He didn’t have much of an appetite, but he ate what he could while trying not to look up at anyone else. Instead, he spent most of the time thinking about what was going to happen next. How was he going to fix this? He didn’t want to just wait it out. He was sure neither of them would be happy with that, but at the same time he felt that time was what he needed most. But as Summer had already told him, time wasn’t something they had a lot of. After they were finished eating, Mike was relieved to see Maggie escort Victor out of the room. He was sure that things would get pretty ugly if Summer’s father began giving him an earful, or, you know, strangling him to death.
Once they were alone, Michael grew a bit nervous. He still wasn’t sure what to say or do or what he could say or do at this point without experiencing any drawbacks. He looked at her when she spoke and instantly felt his heart sink a little. Now why didn’t he see this coming? Now that she had brought it up, it seemed obvious. That didn’t make it hurt any less, however. He sighed and nodded slightly. “This really sucks,” he said bluntly, using language that was a bit unlike him. “I really wanted to be here for you, Summer. You know I did. And I tried. I don’t know what happened. It just…it’s still sinking in,” he told her. “I don’t want to make excuses. I came here to do one thing and I’ve failed,” he said with another small sigh. He wasn’t sure where he was going with this. He just didn’t know what to do. He hadn’t thought it would affect him this much.
He took her hands in his and stared at her as he spoke. “The truth is I was naïve. I never really thought about it much because I chose not to. I didn’t want to think about it and now it’s hard to stop. I’m sorry. I want to be strong for you. It kills me that I can’t,” he continued. He supposed he was merely trying to explain his feelings again, though this time he hoped it was more clear. Of course, that didn’t mean it would help the situation any. He moved closer to her and wrapped a hand around her gently, if she allowed it, and pulled her closer to him. It turns out he wasn’t the tough, steady rock that he thought she would be able to depend on no matter what. Over that past year and a half he seemed to do alright when it came to comforting her whenever she needed his support, but now he didn’t think either of were prepared to see so much weakness in him at such a crucial time.
“I don’t think I’ll be at the trial tomorrow. I’m sure you already guessed that, though. I’m not sure your father would want me there either. Not unless I can stay strong, which at this point I just don’t know. I’ll be there in a heartbeat if things change. You know I will…at least, I hope you do,” he said as he felt the nerves creep back in again. He was starting to think that she had no faith in him whatsoever right now and it was hard to accept that. His sensitivity to the trial had blurred his judgment and was apparently not allowed under the circumstances and he was hoping to somehow make up for it in the next few days. Things weren’t going at all how he had hoped and if he wasn’t able to make it better, he was afraid of how it would affect their relationship in the long run.
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Post by Summer Jackson on Nov 22, 2010 3:02:13 GMT -5
A fight always followed any mention of Summer’s age. She did try her hardest not to act like a teenager, but the fact is that she was and Michael knew that. He knew what he was getting into when he started dating a girl seven years younger so she didn’t take well to him complaining about, or even mentioning, her age. She knew she was fragile, but that was also something Michael should have known over a year ago. She hadn’t been hiding anything from him, he knew just about everything about her and, to her, it seemed obvious that she may not be able to deal with the trial of her rapist as well as she dealt with her everyday life, which she was also aware that she didn’t always deal with too well either, but she was trying, and getting better.
“Do what you want,” Summer snapped back after speaking of her father, “but I’m not coming to your rescue this time.” It was more than obvious that she was very unhappy with him at the time being, but she knew she wouldn’t be able to be this angry with him when they were around her parents. No need to drag them into this, especially when her father’s advice would be the leave Michael on the curb, which she was by no means willing to do. Sure, she was angry with him but she also loved him and didn’t want to live without him and, honestly, it was annoying when anyone would tell her she should leave any of her boyfriends. Generally, though, she didn’t have to worry about that with Michael. Most people did realize that they made quite a good couple.
Summer spent dinner thinking about what she was planning to tell Michael after they were finished eating. She knew it wasn’t going to be something he would be happy to hear. It was a more extreme version of telling him she was going to sleep on the couch that night, even though he was used to that due to her good days and bad days. She just wasn’t sure what else she could do anymore. She knew they would only be talking about this all night and then she wouldn’t sleep at all because she would spend the whole night worrying about it and that couldn’t be good for the trial the next morning. If they couldn’t figure this out she knew she had to take care of herself until they end of the trial, when she was sure she would then do everything she could to mend their relationship. That being said, she really did hope they could work it all out sooner than that because she wasn’t sure she could make it through the trial without Michael fully by her side.
Once she told him what she had decided she wanted to do she gave him a very confused look after he spoke. She wasn’t at all used to hearing him speak like that and she had to admit, she didn’t like it. That really was something she loved about him, his way of speaking, so to hear something so unlike him wasn’t something she exactly liked. “Well, it’s not my fault,” she felt the need to respond, glancing back down towards her lap, at her hands, one continually running over the other. “I know, babe, I know,” she quietly assured him. She sighed as he said he failed. Knowing he was thinking like that made her feel horrible. Of course she was upset but she would never be all right with Michael feeling so down. She was somehow connected to his moods, but she supposed that’s what love did to you.
She allowed him to take her hands and forced herself to look up at him as well. She listened as he spoke, but it honestly didn’t help her any. None of this made sense to her. He knew she had been raped since well before they had been dating. She had a hard time believe he had never tried to go through what had happened to her, even if he tried his hardest not to think about it. She did the same and it was always in her head, so maybe that was clouding her judgment a bit. It was more than true, however, that she wasn’t quite ready to see any weakness in him. She was unfair in her expectations of him, and she did understand that and she tried to support him whenever he needed it, from the time he lost his job to his parent’s divorce, but she still expected a certain amount of strength from him because that’s what she was used to seeing. Now, though, when she had been expecting nothing but support she was getting so little and it left her feeling empty and confused.
She moved closer to him when he requested it, resting her head on his shoulder and watching the ringlets in her hair fall down onto his upper chest. As he spoke, however, she felt her heart skip a beat when he said he would be at the trial, a concerned look in her eyes as she glanced up at him. “I… you will be at the court house, right? I mean, you don’t have to watch anything, of course but… you will at least be at the court house?” she asked, pushing herself closer to him. “I… I need you there I…” she paused for a second as she forced back a sob. For someone who cried so often, she really hated it. “Michael…” he voice was forced higher and tighter by sobs as she found his free hand with hers and brought it over towards her, “he… he raped me.” And that was the turning point between composure and hysteria for Summer. “I… I need you, I need you so bad right now.” She knew she was putting so much on him by saying that, but it was the truth. No matter what she did it was Michael that she needed. “I’m scared,” she leaned back and covered her mouth with her hand, resting her head against Michael’s arm behind her and using the hand over her mouth to catch the tears from her eyes before she could taste them. “I… I’m so scared of this… of-of him I needed… something… anything to push me to do this. And that was you. I never would have done this without you.” She looked up at him, tears in her eyes, but a slight smile still on her lips. She moved so she was lying on the couch, her head on his lap, hoping he would just allow it, as she firmly gripped his knee, digging her lengthy nails into his pant leg.
“But now… I hate myself for doing this because it’s hurting you. It doesn’t even seem right anymore, or worth it at all. He just… he just keeps taking stuff from me. I want it to stop! I don’t wanna do this, I wanna go home. I want it all to go back to how it was,” her voice was so controlled by tears now that understanding anything she said would be tricky even for someone who often had to understand someone crying. She turned her head so her face was pushed into his legs, her hand tightening its grip around his knee. And to think, all of this came from her desperate attempt to try and explain how it felt to be violated like she was, and hoping that would then let him get some insight as to why she was so unforgiving when she didn't get the support she needed.
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Post by Michael Brentley on Jan 16, 2011 21:11:17 GMT -5
Michael had thought a lot about the fact that Summer had been raped. Ever since the day he read that note from her, it seemed impossible not to think about it. The thing was, that frame of thinking had never focused on many intimate details. He didn’t know the details, after all, and that prevented him from having too many images in his head concerning the subject. Hearing the vague details of some traumatic event was nothing compared to having every detail laid out for you. It didn’t make a lot of sense to him either, but his mind couldn’t seem to entirely grasp what he had heard in that courtroom. Mike was frustrated with himself more than anything else. Disappointed, angry, surprised, afraid…there didn’t seem to be too many emotions that he wasn’t feeling right now, but he certainly knew who to blame. That just made it harder to work through it. Michael considered himself to be a confident individual, but he couldn’t help but feel small and helpless at the moment as he beat himself up inside.
When she spoke, Michael immediately began to speak, only to interrupt himself with silence a half-second later. The question wasn’t a difficult one, at least it shouldn’t be. He wasn’t even sure why he hesitated at all. He smiled slightly and looked at her. “Of course,” he said softly as he brushed the back of his hand against her cheek gently. He had been debating the issue, only because there were uncertainties that would surround him, such as her father’s reaction and so forth, but he wasn’t sure why he cared about any of that. Well, he supposed he didn’t. Why should he? Her father’s opinion of him had nearly always been wrong and Michael knew he wasn’t here to impress anybody. It didn’t matter if everyone else hated his guts. In fact, he felt he did a nice job of guaranteeing that to some extent over the last day or two, but he wasn’t worried about that. He knew his fears of losing her weren’t entirely rational, but at the same time there were always those thoughts in the back of his mind that told him that one more misstep could lead him down a path to single life.
Michael immediately held her closer to him when she began crying hysterically. It pained him to see her so upset, but more-so to know that she had been feeling like this all along and he hadn’t been much help in comforting her. Instead he mixed in his own set of problems that seemed ridiculously insignificant compared to what Summer was going through. He felt foolish, but he wasn’t yet entirely sure what he could have done differently. Well, there were a few obvious things, he supposed, but when it came to the big picture, he simply didn’t feel in control of his thoughts or emotions in the past two days. He felt the pressure on him emotionally as he held her close to him. It tugged at his heart and he wanted more than anything to be able to be as strong as ever throughout everything this trial had put in front of them, but his confidence in that matter had dwindled considerably and it made him feel miserable.
“It’ll be okay. It’s almost over,” he said softly in an effort to calm her thoughts. He knew the last day would be one of the hardest, but he knew she had to get through it for her own sake. This wasn’t merely about putting her attacker behind bars, but Mike hoped it would serve as some closer for Summer as well. He didn’t imagine it would be much easier for her in the coming months, but eventually he hoped it would bring her a little confidence and peace, knowing what she was able to accomplish here. It was no small feat, and he knew she should be proud of herself for getting this far. He shook his head when she started voicing her regrets of going through the trial once again. He wasn’t able to catch everything she said, but he figured he got the gist of it, especially since this wasn’t the first time she had raised these concerns. He certainly didn’t want to be the reason she would regret doing this. It was clear that they had hit a bump in the road when it came to their relationship, but he did believe that would just make them stronger in the end, even if it wasn’t obvious now.
“Look, I’m really glad you did this, Summer. I’m really proud of you and I have no doubt that you’ll be able to make it the rest of the way,” he told her as he gently rubbed her upper arm as she rested on his lap. “The fact that you’re doing this is preventing other women from having to go through the same thing. I know none of this can erase what happened, but you’re doing the right thing here. You really are,” he continued. He wasn’t ever entirely sure what to say, but he hoped it would help a little bit at least. It was crucial that she started believing in what she was doing again, rather than worrying about the effects. Granted, neither of them had expected them to be quite so substantial, he guessed, but he knew how important it was to get through it.
“I love you, baby. I love you so much. Nothing is going to change that. I just need you to do this. Not for me, but for yourself. I don’t want you worrying about me. I’ll be fine. My stupid reactions aren’t worth worrying about and…he…he doesn’t deserve to go free. He can’t. You’re right, he’s taken a lot from you and the only way to stop it is with this trial. And that, to me, sounds like it’s worth it, doesn’t it?” he asked. It probably wasn’t the greatest idea to try and persuade like this when she was so upset, but he had to try. She needed a reminder of why she needed to do this and he hoped he had provided that, at the very least.
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Post by Summer Jackson on Jan 27, 2011 0:24:10 GMT -5
Feeling Michael’s hand on her face she reached up and gently squeezed his fingers in her hand. She knew it was obvious that she was happy he would be at the court house tomorrow. She would never ask him to watch the trial but she wasn’t sure how she would do if she couldn’t see him during breaks or while they were waiting for the jury deliberation. She knew that, if he wasn’t there, he would spend the entire day worrying about what he was thinking or doing, which wouldn’t help her already over the top nerves. She also honestly didn’t think her father would say anything to him about not being in the court room. Granted, if Victor said anything to Michael right now Summer was sure her mother would kill him but that was between her parents. That being said, she was sure she was the only one in the house that still liked Michael at all, which hurt her to think about. She had hoped that this trip would make her whole family like her boyfriend and now she was just hoping she would constantly be bombarded with people saying she needed to break up with him, or even something so small as move out or expand her options. Then again, if Summer had anything to say about it, Michael would never be single again and her parents or sisters wouldn’t change her mind on that.
If this trial didn’t bring Summer some sort of closure she wasn’t sure where her life would be able to go from there. She didn’t except to be able to go back to being the girl she was before the attack and nor did she want to but she would love to be just more functioning in general. She didn’t expect her panic attacks to go away, but she would love to just sleep through the night or be able to stop choosing a line at the grocery store based on the gender of the cashier. Just some sort of peace of mind was all she really wanted from this, but she had been hoping that she wouldn’t struggle all the way through the trial as she currently was. All this was for her now was a reminder of how far she had fallen, or at least that’s how it felt and she knew that it wouldn’t get any better until the jury came back with their verdict, when she may be able to finally believe that she could do something not only for herself but for other women as well.
When Michael started talking Summer just kept quiet, not that she could really talk anymore anyway. She listened closely to what he had to say, trying her hardest to control the tears that were falling from her eyes and the sobs that felt like they wanted to explode her lungs. Hearing the whole thing about saving other women from her ordeal always got to her and she knew it was true. Her only saving grace from that was believing that Scott hadn’t hurt another woman in the way he hurt her during the time in which she couldn’t get herself to come forward because she knew he would have to do it again. When he said he loved her she felt her heart skip a beat. Now that’s what she had wanted to hear all afternoon. Why was it always those three words that made it possible for her to forget what he did earlier or that she was mad at him at all? She let him finished talking and decided that she was going to have to calm down before she tried to respond at all so just stayed where she was for quite some time, waiting for the sobbing to stop and her breathing to return to normal.
“You’re right,” she finally said, reaching up and wiping tears away from her eyes. “I know you’re right… I just… I’m scared babe,” she turned over onto her back so she could look up at him for a second before sitting back up and moving close to him again, resting her head on his shoulder and trying to signal to him that she wanted to be held. “It’s not always easy for me to remember that,” she brought up a hand and ran her fingers over his chest sensually. “And… I know you love me… I love hearing it,” she assured quickly after she said it, “so don’t stop saying it by all means but… you sometimes seem to forget that I love you too. I… I can’t just turn it off, I worry about you,” she leaned back and looked at him with a weak smile before resting her head against his shoulder once again and bringing her arm up to grab onto his other shoulder for a moment. “I can’t just… not think about what’s been happening or how you’ve been acting, it’s asking me to just push way too much away,” she tried to explain but knew she wasn’t really doing a good job.
For a few minutes she sat there leaning against her boyfriend before sitting back up and looking at him. “You want to play some chess?” she asked as she started to move so she could get up. They played from time to time, Summer really failed at the game and often times had to ask for a reminder on how each of the pieces moved but she enjoyed playing with Michael for whatever reason, “I wanna play,” she determined, knowing Michael had never really told her no before and she felt they needed to just do something besides sit here and talk about this because it was getting nowhere and just making them fight more. She started to move to go get the board before looking back to Michael for a second when she leaned back towards him. She gave him the smallest peck on the lips before kissing his neck three times and leaning back. “You know just… whenever you’re ready,” she shrugged her shoulders before getting up with a sigh and leaving the room for a second to get the game board.
She came back not long later and pulled over a butterfly chair so she could sit on the other side of the coffee table from Michael. She opened the board and started to set it, pushing it over to Michael as she set the white pieces up on her side of the board. She was always the white. Why? She didn’t know. “You’re gonna have to remind me how these go…” she said as she put them all down. She was just hoping that playing a game with him would help both of them calm down and remember why they were together instead of fight over something it was obvious they would never agree over.
((I figured you could take it forward to where ever you thought it was best, whether it be just keep going with this or him leaving or the next morning or whatever works for you =] ))
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Post by Michael Brentley on Feb 8, 2011 2:05:47 GMT -5
Michael wanted things to go back to how they were as much as Summer did, but he knew they wouldn’t be able to do that if they didn’t get past the trial first. If she backed out now, he knew she would have regrets about it and most certainly wouldn’t want to do it all over again. This trial was testing their relationship more so than anything else ever had, but he felt they were working through it as best they could and would be okay in the end. They had to be. If anything were to go so terribly wrong between them that they couldn’t fix it, he was sure at this point that it would be his fault and that would make it hurt all the more. This had been his chance to prove to her that he would always be there for her no matter what, and he didn’t exactly follow through. This trial hadn’t been what he expected, yet it didn’t make sense to him why he was so stunned by it all. He had been curious about what had happened to her, but he now knew that maybe a part of him never really wanted to find out. Now that he had, however, he was glad that he was able to accept it, albeit slowly.
It was understandable why Summer was concerned about him, but it didn’t make things any easier when he knew he had created another burden for her. He nodded as she spoke and was sure to fix his eyes on hers whenever she looked at him. A small smile came to his lips when she mentioned him forgetting that she loved him. He could only feel foolish in that moment because in a way he felt she was right. He always knew in his heart that she loved him, but he sometimes let his thoughts get the best of him and didn’t focus on the things that meant the most. It was difficult not to feel vulnerable when he was with a woman he was madly in love with. Of course he wanted everything to work out perfectly and when they ran into some rough patches, it did worry him. Summer was an amazing person to him and he couldn’t bear the thought of not being with her. He didn’t want to care about what her family thought about their relationship because it was ultimately up to Summer, but after that scare that Victor gave him from the very beginning when he said Summer had ended things, he couldn’t help but wonder how much influence was really there. Right now he knew no one in her family was especially fond of him, which didn’t sit well with him at all. He had hoped that this trip would bring him closer to the family, but now they all seemed to turn against him because of his inability to cope with what was going on. He wouldn’t give up on that, though, since he knew that if it was important to him, it had to be at least ten times more important to Summer.
Her suggestion of chess made him smile. He loved playing chess, especially with her. They always seem to be able to joke around with each other and just have fun when they played. After playing for probably close to an hour, Michael decided it was getting late and he knew they both needed their rest. He was reluctant to say anything since it was clear that he would be spending that night alone in the hotel, but he wanted what was best for Summer right now. “I guess I should go. You need your rest,” he told her, though she could probably tell by the look on his face that he wasn’t exactly wanting to leave. He stood up and took her hand, pulling her up with him gently. He looked at her affectionately and attempted to smile. “I—I feel like I miss you already. There, um…” he started, but paused quickly as he felt his emotions creep up on him. “I don’t suppose there’s any way you’ll be changing your mind…” he said softly and his words trailed off a bit. He assumed she knew he was referring to the fact that she wasn’t coming with him to the hotel. “Don’t…I mean, it’s fine. Just…I love you. I’ll see you in the morning,” he said, not entirely sure what he wanted to say in that moment, or what he could say. He took a step closer to her and kissed her softly, letting it linger a moment before pulling away. He squeezed her hand and looked at her for another long moment before turning to leave. He doubted he was going to get much sleep.
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Michael somehow managed to get nearly five hours of sleep despite laying in bed for a few hours deep in thought. He went over today’s events repeatedly in his head before realizing that most things simply were not in his control. All he could do was show up and support Summer like he had planned to do all along, and hope that Victor didn’t eat him for breakfast. He made sure to show up to the courthouse early so that he could see Summer for a bit before the trial started up again. He wore a light blue dress shirt with a pair of light khaki pants. He wasn’t entirely sure what to expect that day. He hardly wanted to sit and wait around for hours during the proceedings, but he had convinced himself that it just wasn’t a smart idea to sit through the last part of the trial. He didn’t want to take that risk. Things were slowly getting better between Summer and him and he didn’t want to undo the progress. His priority now was showing Summer that he really was okay now and he hoped she would allow him to show it. He couldn’t help but feel she was frustrated, or even a bit angry with him, even though that might not be entirely true. That’s just the way he had perceived some of what was going on between them, aside from his issues.
The courthouse was eerily quiet, but only because he had arrived a lot earlier than he originally intended. Ever since he opened his eyes that morning, he craved her. He had to see Summer as soon as possible and for some reason he felt like he couldn’t get out the door quick enough. He thought about meeting Summer and the family back at her place, but he figured the chance of being yelled at by her father again wasn’t the type of drama she needed right now. He sat on one of the benches near the entrance and watched as people started to arrive. He heard some commotion and looked up to see Scott entering the courthouse. The man looked miserable at first glance, which Mike was more than happy to see. However, when Scott looked in Michael’s direction, there was a smirk on his face – a façade Mike tried to ignore. That didn’t prevent anger from being built up inside of him, though. Michael was sure that it wouldn’t take long for him to come close to killing that man if they were left in the same room together for longer than a second. Michael redirected his gaze towards the entrance and continued to think about Summer and how badly he wanted to see her, but also how badly he wanted Scott to spend the good part of his life in prison.
((yeah....lots of rambling and stuff, but I hope it works))
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Post by Summer Jackson on Feb 20, 2011 2:02:09 GMT -5
Summer knew that her family still had some degree of influence over her decisions. They helped her decide which Southern Californian school to attend this upcoming fall and what for sure she wanted to major in but if there was one thing Summer was determined to keep her family out of it was her decision to be with Michael. She knew him and, no matter what they thought, they simply didn’t know him in the way she did, and that’s not just saying he was a good kisser, though she wouldn’t deny him that either. She honestly just wished her parents and sisters would stay out of her relationship and let her handle it. Michael wasn’t hitting, yelling at or scaring her and she wasn’t trapped in the relationship so why couldn’t they just let her figure out who she wanted to be with? Well, not that she had to figure it out anymore, but the point is still the same. She just wished her father would realize that, yes, of course she was going to fight with Michael from time to time but they also had a strong enough relationship that they would get over that.
She was glad it didn’t appear she had to force Michael into the game. She had never played before she met Michael and was still, well, downright bad at it. She didn’t think she had won a game yet unless Michael took it easy on her. Of course there were games she could just win on her own; it was just that chess wasn’t one of them. After their hour of playing Summer was unhappy to hear Michael say anything that didn’t have to do with the game. They were finally just able to be around each other and enjoy each other’s company and he was breaking that up, but she did know it was her own fault in the end. She he spoke she slowly nodded, feeling horrible because she knew the look on his face was her doing and she hated seeing him upset. She allowed him to pull her into a standing position with him and looked at him for a moment, but when he starting speaking again she looked away and towards her dog, who stood up when she did.
“Michael… I,” she started when he asked about changing her mind. She did want to be with him, but she did still feel that the lack of support she was getting from him was really affecting how she was dealing with the trial and it would be better for both of them to have some time apart to think things over. She nodded when he finished talking and accepted the kiss he placed on her lips. “Wait, I’ll… walk you out,” she said, snatching his hand back in hers as she half led the way to the garage where the car had been parked. In the garage she said goodbye with a kiss. “G’night baby,” she said softly as she pulled away and looked up at him. “I love you,” she finally remembered to say back before letting go of his hand and leaving the garage as he got into the car to head back to the hotel.
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Though Summer stayed with her parents that night in order to get some extra sleep she probably had the worst night of sleep since she had gotten to Colorado that night. She spent the time before going to bed with her mother and sobbing gently and that didn’t stop when she went to bed either. She didn’t realize how much she needed Michael’s arms around her to fall asleep now, though she did also realize that Michael may not be too keen on holding her that night. In the end she spent very little time actually sleeping and more of it pacing around her room or checking the clock. Sure, her parents gave her more support than Michael had been able to over the last few days, but they couldn’t make her feel safe lying in bed. She knew Michael would never let anyone hurt her or let her feel scared and her parents were, of course, not even in the same room. In the end, the night did not work as Summer and planned and hoped.
The next morning Summer’s psychiatrist had caught the redeye in order to testify that day and Summer made sure to talk to her before she went to have breakfast with her sister who lived in the area and that did make her feel slightly better as they made their way to the courthouse. She was wearing a pair of her sister’s light gray, with a light plaid pattern, dress pants that were a little big on her. She had a purple blouse, also her sister’s since all her clothes were at the hotel, and a pair of Josie’s flats. Summer was really the only one in the family that wore heels day in and day out so none of the ones available were appropriate for daytime use and the ones she wore the day before didn’t go with her outfit so she figured she could be short for a day. Her hair had been straightened and put up into a ponytail, when it was straightened again. She wasn’t going to have Scott like her hair again that day.
Summer stayed quiet through the car ride to the court house, nibbling at a donut her parents picked her up on the way. Once there she followed her parents into the building with her mother’s arm around her shoulders. They walked in and went through security before Maggie turned to her daughter. “Why don’t you give Mike a call and see if he’s here?” she asked. Summer looked up and nodded as she pulled her phone out of her purse and glanced around as she hit the three that would connect her to her boyfriend but before she could put the phone up to her ear she spotted him and the first smile in a day found its way across her face. “Michael!” she said excitedly as she glanced back at her parents before rushing over to him, almost at a run. She jumped on him when she reached him and pulled him close to her, pressing her face into his shoulder.
“I’m never gonna sleep alone again, you understand me?” she asked, a hand moving up towards his hair before she pulled away and looked to him with an affectionate look in her eyes. She was still a little nervous to kiss him but brought her lips to his and gave him a quick peck before pulling away and smiling. “I missed you so much. I messed up, I should’ve gone back with you,” she said, taking her shrink’s advice right away. She knew she had made the wrong decision and Michael had the right to know that as well, and to know she didn’t want to do it again by all means. If last night taught her anything it was that she did want to be with Michael as much as she thought she did. If one night without him had been that bad she could only imagine a lifetime.
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Post by Michael Brentley on May 19, 2011 2:04:48 GMT -5
Michael couldn’t quite explain the feeling that rushed through him upon seeing Summer that day. All he could tell you was that it left him nearly breathless and had everything on his mind in the moment suddenly fade and was no longer important. All the worries and fears that lingered with him for the last several hours disappeared without him bothering to question why. All it took was for him to make eye contact with her and it seemed to be all the assurance he needed that things would be just fine between them. He smiled as she called his name and quickly approached him. His heart began beating faster as his feelings for her took a new turn. It wasn’t that he hadn’t felt incredibly in love with her before, but it was then that he realized that there would never be such a thing as a limit on how much you could love someone.
He immediately wrapped his arms around her and held her close to him. The embrace nearly brought him to tears, though he wasn’t entirely sure why. They had only been apart for one night, after all, but he supposed it had more to do with his own doubts and fears threatening him than anything else. Now it all seemed rather silly and apparently all he needed was to see her again in order for everything to seemingly fall back into place. He nodded when she spoke and was relieved to hear her say that. He wasn’t sure what he would do if he had to spend another night without her knowing that it was a direct result of his behavior. He looked at her as she pulled back and welcomed the kiss, though he was disappointed in how quickly it ended. That wouldn’t do. After she spoke again, his first response was to kiss her, which for some reason felt fitting to him in that moment. He massaged his lips against hers for a moment and then let it linger a few more seconds. It took quite some effort for him to be able to limit it at all. If they weren’t in a courthouse with people sure to be looking towards them at any given moment, he was sure that that kiss would have lasted a great deal longer if Summer allowed it. “I missed you, too,” he said, though in his mind it was a fairly redundant statement at that point.
Michael couldn’t tell you how long he had been holding her before they were told that trial preparation would being soon. Mike figured that Summer would need to speak with her lawyer for a bit to go over the agenda for that day or whatever else. The decision not to enter the courtroom was going to be a lot tougher than he originally thought. He really wanted to be there for her and support her in the way he had always intended. He took one more long look at her and took a deep breath. “I’m going in there,” he said quietly. After saying it, he took another moment to rethink it, but in the end he knew that this was what he wanted to do. “If I can’t do this, then what the heck did I come here for?” he said to her with a determined look on his face. He knew there was always going to be that possibility that he would get overwhelmed and want to walk out, but at this point he felt he had overcome several obstacles that had pummeled him in the last few days. He simply needed to change his frame of mind and be able to focus on the more important things and for the first time since they had arrived in Colorado, he was very confident that he would be able to do that.
“I’ll be okay, I promise. I want to be here for you, not matter what. I love you,” he assured her with a small, but genuine smile. He couldn’t say he wasn’t a little nervous about it, but he felt this was something he needed to do to prove to himself and everyone else that he was strong enough emotionally to deal with this. It was something he was sure Summer and her family were concerned about at this point and the last thing he wanted was for her father or anyone else in the family to believe that he wasn’t stable enough to support her through thick and thin. Given, this was probably one of the more challenging pieces to their life together, but that was why it was all the more important to overcome it. That would provide him with the confidence to get through anything that was thrown at him or Summer within their relationship and he knew he would have to feel good about that once this was all over…if he got that far.
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It wasn’t much longer until everything was squared away and Michael was permitted to find a seat in the courtroom. The nerves definitely affected him, but he had to admit he felt different this time walking into that courtroom. It was a good different, though. Whenever his mind would threaten to wander, he would force it to focus on Summer and how much he cared about her as well as how much it meant to her to have his full support throughout all of this. He sat up straight and folded his hands together in front of him to prevent his nerves from getting the best of him. This really wasn’t so bad. What could anyone possibly say that day that would change how he felt? It wasn’t possible. It didn’t matter. It was in the past and it just didn’t matter. The Summer he knew now was the Summer he would always know: the sweet, gentle, caring, outgoing individual that he had fallen for. Her past didn’t matter and what happened to her was something she would heal from eventually and he knew he was now a key part in making sure that was the case. He took a deep breath as the trial began and fixed his thoughts and feelings on his love for the gorgeous blond sitting on the prosecution’s side of the courtroom and knowing she was his to lose and he had no plans on losing her, ever.
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