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Post by Summer Jackson on Jun 11, 2010 23:58:49 GMT -5
“Nonsense,” Summer gently teased after he responded, mostly just saying that most people don’t use the word in the way that he just did, but she loved his vocabulary, we’ve been over that. She gently pushed her face into his neck and ran the tips of her fingers, well, her nails, over the sleeve of his shirt. She always had trouble not laughing when he said he didn’t mind. Maybe he didn’t, but she hated it when anything like that would happen, especially in public so she assumed he would mind too, but it was nice that he didn’t get upset when this happened. “You’ve got it down, babe,” she said softly when he said something about screwing things up. There were times right when they started dating that he would fumble around and not know exactly how much she needed of what or would forget she needed water or something like that. He was doing much better with all that now and they never really had a problem, which was nice. The faster she calmed down the better off she was for the rest of the day.
After her mother came over Summer nodded to tell Michael that he was more than welcome to leave for a while if he wanted to. Well, actually, that was mostly because the idea of Mike beating the shit out of Scott made her heart flutter and in her currently messed up mind, making it a possibility sounded good. Of course, if she was thinking straight she wouldn’t want that to happen. The last thing she needed now was to have Michael locked up on assault charges. Anyway, when he kissed her forehead she glanced up for a second. “Hey,” she said softly, reaching up and turning his head down slightly with fingers on his chin. She kissed his lips gently for only a second or so before pulling away and giving him a small smile. She then apologized for forgetting she had her legs over his and then rested her head on her mother’s shoulder (which wasn’t nearly as comfortable as Mike’s) as she moved to take her boyfriend’s place. Maggie shook her head when Michael thanked her. “Don’t even mention it,” she said, holding a hand up to tell him to stop talking. Summer nodded when he spoke again before pushing her face into her mother’s shoulder.
For some time Summer complained to her mother about how she didn’t want to do this and that she was scared and wanted to go home, but Maggie was also good about having none of that. Soon Summer just shut up with a sigh, allowing her mother to gently rub her opposite arm to try and comfort her. She had to admit, she hated this. She hated being passed between either of her parents and her boyfriend like she was some little kid who needed babysitting. However, she had complained about that before and, well, in the end it didn’t get her very far. Everyone knew that she would soon ask for company if she was left alone and because everyone knew that no one was going to try leaving her alone so she had learned to stop saying anything about it. However, since she often was worried that one day Michael was going to wake up and realize how teenager like Summer could actually be from time to time she hating feeling even younger than she was. Maybe she should try to do more alone… after the trail. When Scott couldn’t come anywhere near her. She’d figure it out.
Elsewhere in the court house Victor had managed to calm down. He had complained about what happened first to the detectives who had come to show their support, then to the head of security and he was assured it wouldn’t happen again and that there would be consequences, which did make him feel better but it did take longer to actually calm down. Now, however, he was doing fine. Still a little annoyed, but he was able to stop yelling every time he spoke. He was a little surprised to see Michael, he had to admit, but as long as Summer wasn’t left alone there was no reason not to have him also walking around before being forced to sit for a couple hours. He nodded when Mike spoke, for was a little surprised to hear his first name. Had he been deaf or had Michael been calling him Victor this whole time? In the end, though, he supposed it didn’t matter. Summer wouldn’t be happy if Michael was still calling him Mr. Jackson in a couple years, right?
“Of course,” he said when Michael spoke again, shaking his head. “I… I was mad, which doesn’t make it any better but… that’s all I can really say. I saw her so scared and wasn’t thinking. I shouldn’t have turned it on you, I’m sorry,” he said, with a shrug of his shoulders before running a hand through his dark hair. Okay, maybe the apology was only because his wife told him he had to, but at least it came out of his mouth, right? Maybe… After standing their awkwardly for a moment he looked back towards Michael. “So, I’m assuming she’s with her mother?” he asked, just to make sure even though he knew he wouldn’t have to. What could he say; he’d always worry about his daughter. “I was just heading back in that direction. I uh… I’ll see you back there, unless you’re ready to come back as well,” he said, waiting a second to see Michael’s response.
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It was about half an hour later when they were back in the court room, ready to commence what had started the day before, finally. Before they went in Summer had put all her hair up on the top of her head with a large butterfly clip. Yeah, Scott had that much power over her; she would change what she was wearing just so she didn’t appeal to him at all. She had also taken a second with Michael, as she did the day before just to be with him and tell him she loved him. With what she thought he would be hearing today she thought it may be a good thing he heard that before he had to go in. After the judge came in and all that the first person to testify was the bar tender at the club that night, followed by a couple other people who saw part of what happened. All mostly turned things in Summer’s direction, of course. It was only then that the part of the day Summer was dreading finally started, the character witnesses and for some reason, those for her had to be first. She glanced back to Michael as the first man took the stand, giving her boyfriend a smile before looking back down towards her lap and petting her dog.
Thing went along normally, asking how the witness knew Summer and all that but soon went to more and Summer felt tears in her eyes. Why? She didn’t know, except that she didn’t want Michael to hear about this. “What was your relationship with Ms. Jackson when the two of your first got intimate,” her attorney asked. “I was her boyfriend for about… three weeks maybe?” Summer looked back down at her lap and choked back a sob. Of great, and Mike had been waiting over a year. That would have to feel great. “How was your sex life?” Damn, Summer wasn’t liking this. “Normal?” “Was there anything out of the ordinary about it?” “Not really. Always in a bed, her bed, with the doors locked. I once tried to turn things on in her car and she wouldn’t talk to me for the rest of the night. I once leaned on her hair and she got so mad she kicked me out.” “So she didn’t like pain?” “Didn’t like it? She hated it,” and the line of questioning continued like that for a while, including positions and how often and the whole time Summer was trying to forget that Michael was hearing about her past sex life from her past partners. Oh God, that would hurt. She couldn’t even stand to think about how she would feel if their positions were somehow changed.
The first man finished and another one took his place. They all had a similar body type, that of Michael’s, but beyond that looked little alike. Still, things with the second man went as smoothly as the first. He just sat there and told the jury that Summer would never want to have sex in an alley or be held to the point that she got hand shaped bruises. It was after that, which actually took quite some time, that the judge decided Summer had enough and that there would be one more day of the trial. Summer was a little more in control than she was the day before, but still wasn’t doing too well. They left the court room and her parents went to talk to Hannah and she stood close to Michael, but wasn’t sure what to say or do at the moment so didn’t say or do anything. Hopefully he was okay, but she would also be a little concerned if what he just heard didn’t affect him at all.
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Post by Michael Brentley on Jun 13, 2010 23:10:05 GMT -5
It was always nice to hear that he was doing okay when it came to taking care of Summer, especially when she had her attacks. Of course, it had only happened a handful of times since they started dating, but it was nice to be prepared nonetheless. The first few times had been a bit scary because he didn’t really know what to do, but he felt he had a decent grasp of it now. He just hoped that neither of them would have to worry about it as much in the near future. Michael accepted the kiss and smiled at her before getting up to leave. He nodded towards Maggie when she spoke. It was a nice feeling knowing she supported him and the relationship. Even if Victor hadn’t quite come to terms with it, at least his other half seemed to.
After seeing Victor, Michael hadn’t given it much thought when he called him by his first name, which was rather unusual. Perhaps part of it was that he was still a little upset over Victor’s reaction to what had happened. Michael was pleased with the apology and it did make him feel a bit better about the whole thing. He couldn’t help but be a bit curious as to why Victor would ask his next question, however. Did he really think he would leave Summer alone? “Yes,” he said simply, deciding it wouldn’t do any good to say anything more on the subject. Michael decided to walk around for a few more minutes once he was asked about it and watched Victor head back towards his wife and Summer. Now that his anger regarding Victor had nearly diminished, now he had to deal with his anger towards Scott.
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Michael felt good after taking his small break from things. It allowed him to clear his head and get ready for the next portion of the trial. It also helped to be able to speak with Summer again just before the trial. He hugged her and reassured her that everything was going to be alright. He knew she was probably still a bit worried about how he would react, but at that moment he felt he could handle it. Unfortunately, it was difficult to determine something like that ahead of time. However, it didn’t matter how he felt about what happened in the trial because he knew that no matter what, he would have to be there for Summer in the end and not act strange and distant as he had the day before. He still felt guilty for the way he had acted towards her and hoped he could make it up to her by doing much better that day. He would find a way to cope with whatever he heard at the trial that day and would hopefully be able to put it behind him sooner rather than later.
When the first man came to the stand, Mike couldn’t help but pay careful attention to their every movement. It wasn’t clear to him exactly why, but he felt he needed to know something about these men beyond what they said in court. It wasn’t until the testimony started that he began feeling rather uncomfortable. He glanced over at Summer a few times and whenever he met her gaze, he would simply smile and attempt to cover up his discomfort. He didn’t want her to start worrying about him if he started to show that he wasn’t taking things well. It hadn’t occurred to him at all that this would be this hard to hear what he was hearing. Here he was, the boyfriend who hadn’t been intimate with Summer to the extent that these men were describing, listening to details about how things were when they were with her. He couldn’t stop the images from sneaking into his head and it forced him to stare at his feet and attempt to clear his head. A deep breath was taken after the first man’s testimony. Mike continued to remind himself that the testimony would help Summer and all of this happened years ago. Still, he couldn’t quite shake the images from his head.
About half-way through the second man’s testimony, Michael felt he simply couldn’t take it anymore. This wasn’t something he wanted to hear. Yes, it was clear to him that she had been with other men long before he met her and that had never been a problem, but now that it was being described to him? Well, let’s just say it wasn’t easy learning about Summer’s likes and dislikes from her exes instead of being able to find them out on his own. Michael quietly excused himself as the testimony went on and quickly made his way out of the courtroom. He hoped Summer wouldn’t worry about him. After all, she had to know that it was extremely painful for him to have to hear that. Of course, she did offer for him to sit this one out, but he had figured he’d be just fine. Unfortunately, it wasn’t until the testimony actually began that he realized just how hard it was going to be.
After pacing around for a few minutes, Michael found a bench and sat down. He took a deep breath and attempted to clear his head. He couldn’t let this get to him to the extent that it had the potential to. Once he was able to think about it for several minutes, he felt a little less flustered and felt he would be able to stay focused once the court session ended. It wasn’t long after these thoughts came to him that the doors of the courtroom opened. He quickly got up and waited for Summer and her family to come out. “Summer,” he said, just loud enough to be able to get her attention. Once she approached him he took her hands in his gently. “I’m sorry. I just…I couldn’t…” he trailed off and looked towards the ground. He just wasn't sure what to say at that moment and just hoped she would understand. He surely had no reason to feel ashamed for leaving. After all, she had told him it would be alright if it came to that, but he couldn’t help but worry that maybe she would have different thoughts about it in the end.
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Post by Summer Jackson on Jun 15, 2010 18:59:53 GMT -5
Neither Victor nor Summer had noticed Michael leave the court room. About a minute after Victor had turned to his wife to find Mike to be missing, he asked about it and Maggie just said he had stepped out. Summer, however, had been too interested in her shoes and dog to notice her boyfriend move at all. She was too embarrassed and, maybe even scared to look at him. He had known from the beginning of their relationship that she had been with multiple men, well, boys at the time, before they had met and she knew the same about him and though she didn’t like to think about it, it didn’t really hurt but now… She was worried. She was worried about how Michael was handling it, even though she knew he didn’t want her worrying about him but she really panicked over how their relationship was going to handle what was going on in this court room. She would never be able to forgive herself if going through with this trial, which she still wasn’t sure if she should have done in the first place, would hurt her current relationship. She had to stop letting what Scott did to her impede on the rest of her life, and she had been getting better with that, however, seeing him again was making that hard.
When they started leaving the court room, this time making sure Scott could hardly so much as look in her direction, Summer immediately asked where Michael was, when her mother quickly reassured her that he would be waiting right outside. She asked when he left, which was answered, as they walked through the double doors. Summer wasn’t quite crying yet, but tears were in her eyes and she felt her throat tighten. She had been on the verge of tears through the whole trial but knowing Mike also had a hard time with it was making it even harder to hold back her tears. She was tired of crying and being comforted but she knew she at least had at least another day of it. When she finally got out the door she glanced around for Michael immediately and once she heard her name she snapped her head in the direction and smiled before getting her dog’s attention and moving in the direction of her boyfriend. She allowed the leash to drop from her hand as Michael took it in his.
“No, baby… no, don’t,” she said softly, asking him not to apologize for leaving. She didn’t want him to feel bad. She felt bad enough for both of them. After a second she pulled her hands from his and stepped towards him, resting her head on his chest as she bit her lip. “I’m sorry,” she said softly, her hands up in his hair and her weight against him. “I’m so sorry you had to hear that. I…” she paused, obviously not sure what she was going to say, but her voice was getting higher so it was also obvious that whatever she wanted to say wasn’t coming out all that easily. “I love you, I love you so much, I’m sorry,” yeah, that was basically all she could think to say. They would talk about it in more depth later that night when they were alone if he wanted to, but hopefully she would be able to calm down by then and actually talk about it. Now, though, she felt awful. She didn’t know what he was thinking or what he now thought of her. Hopefully the later hadn’t changed, but it was a possibility now that what he knew was put into words.
It wasn’t too long later when Summer heard her name again and turned her head to see her mother standing there. “Hey honey, you still need to run to the bathroom?” she asked, to which Summer gave a very confused look for a second before realizing her mom wasn’t about to take no for an answer here. “Oh yeah, I’ll be back,” she said softly to Mike before reaching up to kiss his cheek then following her mother away, having an idea of what she wanted and understanding why Maggie would think it would be better if Mike didn’t know exactly what they were doing. Summer would probably tell him later, but right now he could be kept in the dark. “He okay?” Maggie asked as they were walking, Boggart following freely behind with his leash hanging over his back. Summer shrugged her shoulder. “I hope so,” she said, now unable to stop herself from crying. The moment Maggie realized this she stopped and wrapped her arms around her daughter. “Honey, I’m sure he’ll be fine,” she tried to assure, but just caused Summer to start crying even harder.
“Summer, what is it? Why are you so upset?” she asked, pulling the clip from her daughter’s hair before running a hand over the ends of the curls gently. Summer shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know. I’m just… I’m worried about him… and about us and…” Maggie interrupted. “Why? Do you have a reason to worry? Did he not know about them?” Summer shook her head. “No, he knew but…” “If he’s always been okay with it why wouldn’t he be now?” “I don’t know!” Summer this time screeched, which her mother shushed, even though she wasn’t being too loud. “Summer you’re letting you’re paranoia get to you, you can’t even logically figure out why you’re upset,” “But what if he.” “He won’t. Hun… have you been taking your meds?” she asked, taking a step back to look at Summer as she just came up with something. “Of course,” Summer countered, obviously a little upset she would even think otherwise. “Okay, okay, just asking. You’re just a little oversensitive right now is all, you have to calm down,” Summer took a couple deep breaths.
After Summer calmed down, which took a little while, they went over and Summer went to the two men who testified and thanked them for doing so. They were both quite pleasant, asked her how she was, congratulated her when she explained Michael was her boyfriend and the second of the two introduced her to his fiancée. She still wasn’t quite herself, but she could at least hold up a conversation without breaking down into tears. Neither Summer nor Maggie knew if it would upset Michael to know that she was going to talk to these two men so decided he really didn’t need to know right now, but he may be told later if he seemed all right with it. While she was talking to them Maggie took some time to text Victor, who was still close to Michael. Once the text came in he glanced down to it before looking up towards Michael.
“Hey, Mike?” he said, to get the younger man’s attention before indicating that he should come over. “Has Summer been taking her meds? As far as you know? Maggie asked me to ask, I’m not sure why,” he said, with a slight shrug but knowing it must be important if Maggie was asking about it. Once he got an answer he texted it back to his wife, taking him a lot longer than it would Summer of course, he still wasn’t used to this whole texting thing. Once that was done, well, he tried to continue a conversation as he texted but that didn’t work, he looked back over towards Michael. “Well, she also asked me to go pick something up for Summer to eat, would you like to come? Stacy told her dinner was going to be a little later tonight so you may want to grab a snack,” he said, hoping Michael would understand he was paying, as they had been doing for most of their food since they had been here. He waited for an answer before heading over to the cafeteria.
It was sometime later when both cars drove back into the garage at the Jackson’s house. They went inside and Summer led Michael over to a little used room in the summer. It had a couch, coffee table and fairly small fireplace but also overlooked the mountains. She sat on the couch and nodded for him to join her. For a moment she just sat there, petting her dog who had also brought his front legs up onto the couch with them, and staring down at her lap. After a moment or two she finally glanced over towards Michael. “You wanna talk about it?” she asked, taking his hand in hers and lacing their fingers. “Or would you rather wait ‘til we are back at the hotel? I just want a more relaxing night than last night,” she said softly before taking a deep breath. Why was she so worried about this? It seemed so stupid, but she couldn’t really help it. At least not right now.
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Post by Michael Brentley on Jun 16, 2010 15:14:06 GMT -5
Michael kept questioning whether leaving the court room was the best idea. It was perfectly understandable for why he would leave, but he still wasn’t quite sure about it. What worried him most was what Summer would think. He knew that she would understand, but at the same time, he was concerned that she would start thinking that he thought less of her because of what he had heard. No, that couldn’t be it. It was just a lot to take all at once and he wasn’t even sure what to make of it yet. He was aware of her ex-boyfriends and knew they would be testifying about a touchy subject, but for whatever reason he thought he could handle it. Was he jealous? Maybe a little, but wouldn’t let that get to him. He was fine with waiting, even if at times it could get rather difficult for him. It would never be an option to leave her for reasons regarding sex; he would never be able to forgive himself for that.
He nodded when she refused to let him apologize. It was clear that she wasn’t upset about it, so he decided not to let himself worry about it too much. His arms were wrapped around her when she stepped closer to him. His head was rested against hers for a moment before he heard her start to apologize. He lifted his head and took a step back from her so that he could look at her face. “Hey, you have nothing to be sorry about,” he said softly as his gaze searched hers. He attempted a smile, but it ended up being barely visible. He couldn’t deny that it had disturbed him a bit, but he wasn’t about to get upset over the men she had slept with years before he met her. Before he could say much else, her mother approached them and insisted that Summer use the restroom. He had a feeling there was more to it than that based on Maggie’s expression, but he figured they just needed a minute to talk about something concerning the trial. Mike smiled as best he could and nodded towards her as she followed her mother down the hall.
It was nothing. There was nothing he could change about what happened in the past and there was no reason to dwell on it now. Well, if that were the case, why couldn’t he accept that and move on? He leaned against the wall near the courtroom doors and sighed. If he were a smoker or an alcoholic, this would be one of those moments in which he’d give in to the habit. He had to solve this and he had to solve it quickly. He didn’t want to act differently around Summer, but now felt that it was very possible if he couldn’t clear the images from his head that were inserted during the testimony. Yes, it was years ago, but hearing it that day made it seem as though it were yesterday. He brought a hand up and pressed his thumb and forefinger against his eyelids and made a dire attempt to clear his mind. In the midst of his thought, he heard Victor’s voice and instantly looked up. As he questioned whether or not Summer was taking her meds, he gave a slightly confused look and suddenly grew concerned. “As far as I know. Why? Is she okay?” he asked, tempted to go find her to see what was going on, especially since Victor didn’t seem to know either. However, he decided Maggie would probably ask for him if he was needed.
“Sure. That sounds good right about now,” he told Victor as he walked towards him so they could begin heading towards the cafeteria. He hadn’t thought much about food, but it became apparent that he was quite hungry once it was mentioned. As they walked, Michael kept his eyes on the ground in front of him, only looking up every once and a while to make sure he wasn’t about to run into anything. There was a slight feeling of panic at the thought of seeing Summer again. He was afraid she’d see right through him, like she was always able to, and see that he wasn’t okay at all. Eating quickly became a chore as thoughts flooded his mind. He normally didn’t have much of an issue with his appetite, but things were turning out a bit different that afternoon.
By the time they arrived at the house, Michael had calmed himself down enough to prevent any obvious worries on his part. He was still sorting out what to say to her once the subject came up because he was certain it would once Summer was comfortable enough to bring it up. His nerves surfaced again when she brought him into a room alone with her. He still wasn’t sure what to say and was scared to death that he’d say all the wrong things. His eyes were fixed on the mountain view as she spoke. He was afraid to look at her now, afraid she’d be able to read him and sense his panic. He released a deep breath and lowered his gaze into his lap. “I—I don’t know,” was all he seemed to be able to say. He felt like smacking himself upside the head before attempting to recover from his vague statement. “I can’t…I can’t get it out of my head,” he said as he rested his forehead on the fist of his right hand. “I mean, it’s fine, really. It doesn’t matter now anyway, right?” he said as he finally looked towards her. He knew it would kill her to know how much it was bothering him, but he couldn’t seem to do much to hide it. “It shouldn’t bother me. It doesn’t bother me. It…why would it bother me?” he said as his gaze returned to his lap. He was speaking as if the conversation was with himself. He was trying to make sense of his feelings, but appeared to be failing at it.
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Post by Summer Jackson on Jun 17, 2010 23:53:52 GMT -5
Michael had assured Summer multiple times that he was fine waiting for her to be ready and was happy with their relationship as is, but she had to admit that it was hard to believe. Okay, yeah, maybe it was her paranoia talking again, and she knew that one of the symptoms of the disorder was difficulty trusting your significant other but she did try her best to keep that in check, but she had met too many men who only cared about sex or the physical aspects of the relationship to completely sure when Michael would say things about staying with her through the lack of sex. She was also incredibly worried that he thought less of her. Of course he knew that she had had sex with other men in the past, it would have been entirely untruthful of her to allow him to believe otherwise for all these years, but hearing the details, well she didn’t exactly expect him to take it well and that was what worried her. It’s not like he just found out she was into bondage crap or anything like that, so she shouldn’t worry too much, right? Well, she was, and she didn’t want that and she was sure he didn’t want that either, but the way he was acting, well, it wasn’t too reassuring either.
“Says you,” she said softly as she once again moved closer to him. She understood he wanted to look at her, but more often than not she would rather be close to him when she was this upset. She felt that she should apologize for so much from not insisting that he left the court room when the two men took the stand to being with the two men in the first place. She knew he had told her he didn’t mind that she had been with men before, but she felt bad. She wished she had saved herself for him, she couldn’t even remember why she had slept with those two men now that she looked back at it, she hadn’t cared about them nearly as much as she cared about Michael and she slept with them much earlier than she slept with him, obviously. All in all, she felt more than horrible for causing the pain she saw on Michael’s face.
“I don’t know, Maggie just asked. Whatever it is I’m sure it’s under control though,” Victor said, forcing a smile towards Michael going about everything he had to do. He was glad that Michael was worried about her, it was nice to see. He was trying to be friends with the younger man, or at least not enemies because the last thing he wanted was for Summer to come home rarely because Michael didn’t want to see him or whatever else, but he had to admit, it was hard. He had gone in to meet Michael with his heart set on hating the teacher who had seduced his child yet when the two of them Victor had a hard time hating him as he wanted to and for some reason, even though he knew Michael was a fine man now, he was still trying to find reasons to dislike him. Well, he was trying, more or less, at least that was a step in the right direction, yes?
Back at the house Summer’s stomach started turning over and over as she spoke and later waited for a response. When he first spoke she looked up at his with big eyes, asking him to explain himself, which he did soon after. She could tell he wasn’t in a good place, after dating someone for over a year, well, it got to the point that it was obvious when something was wrong. As he continued to speak Summer felt as if he was trying to hurt her. Of course, he wasn’t and she knew that but this hurt. She felt it was completely his fault and it tore at her. “Why wouldn’t it bother you?” she asked, her voice high and her throat tight as tears perked back up in her eyes. She wanted him to hold her, but was scared that if she moved closer he would just move away, so stayed where she was, just petting her dog. “You just heard two other men talk about sleeping with your girlfriend. I’d be more worried if… if it didn’t bother you,” she said, glancing at him for a second and forcing something like a smile before looking away once again and resting her head against the back of the couch, gently wiping at her eyes.
For a few moments she stayed there before deciding she really should continue to try any confusion on Michael’s part. “I just… I hate that is hurts you. I mean… I don’t know why it wouldn’t, but… I hate seeing you like this,” she said, now unable to stop crying. She had been trying so hard to avoid crying after the comment her mother made about being oversensitive, especially because, if she really thought about it she wasn’t completely sure if she had been taking all of her medications. She had assumed she was sensitive and on edge due to the trial, but who know? Maybe it was just paranoia surfacing die to lack of medication. She hadn’t been counting how many pills she was swallowing so she knew she had to go back to the hotel and check to make sure they were all in the medicine cabinet she put them in and she didn’t finish a bottle and forget to put the new one back. She took a good amount of medicine so it wouldn’t be out of the question for that to happen. That being said, however, she didn’t want anyone to know she had done that, if she had. She didn’t want anyone looking over her shoulder and treating her as if she couldn’t even take the proper pills every morning.
“So… what can I do? Or say to make it better? If it matters to you then it matters. You’re not fine and it’s obvious and… oh God, this was so stupid,” was all she really could think to say as she buried her face in Boggart’s fur. She took a second to be able to stop sobbing before looking back up at him, with love in her eyes. Well, love and hurt and pain and fear, but all of which went to her fear of losing him. She wasn’t sure what she would do and, yeah, she was getting to the point where she was paranoid about that through this trial. She couldn’t tell you why, but for some reason she just thought this trial was going to be too much for her boyfriend, and it had proven to be so far, in her opinion. She just couldn’t bring herself to let it get through her head that Michael just needed some time and he would be able to settle how he felt about things. She knew things wouldn’t be perfect, she just hoped things would be better.
“We were great, and… and I was happy and now… I feel like you can’t even look at me because… ‘cause you’ve heard too much,” she put a hand over her face and rubbed her eyes with her thumb and middle fingers, her index on her forehead. She took a couple deep breaths to try and calm herself down, but it really didn’t work. “Baby I love you so much, please don’t leave. There’s a reason you don’t tell people too much about your exes and now you’ve had way too much information and I…” she cut off, not at all sure what to say as she looked at him before looking away once again. “I don’t know what I can do to help. But it… it hurts me to see you hurt so much,” she finally moved over towards him, resting her head on his shoulder for a second before starting to kiss his neck fairly passionately. Yes, they were in her parent’s house… yeah that didn’t matter right now. She hadn’t shown Mike much in the way of affection for a few days now, except for a few short kisses and, well, she missed it and somewhere in her mind she was convinced that not being close to him for a while somehow made what he had just heard today worse.
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Post by Michael Brentley on Jun 20, 2010 22:57:58 GMT -5
Michael was now wondering if it would have been a better idea to save the conversation for the hotel room. Then again, he didn’t really want to postpone it for too long since it was obviously stuck on both of their minds. He just wasn’t sure what to make of all of it yet, so it was difficult to tell Summer exactly what he was feeling. It hadn’t occurred to him that his questions that were more or less asked of himself would upset her so much. He turned and saw the looks of hurt and her eyes and he immediately tried to think of a response that would correct his previous words. Obviously he was upset about it, but for some reason he felt that she would be more worried if he was too overwhelmed. “No, I mean…I guess I’m trying to convince myself that it doesn’t matter because it was so long ago and…I guess I just don’t want you to worry about me,” he said as his gaze returned to his lap. He still wasn’t sure of what to say at this point. The images were still fresh in his mind and it was hard to focus on much else.
His confusion grew a bit when she next spoke, but in the end he decided it made sense. If he wasn’t bothered by it, that was clearly something that would upset her because most anyone put in his position would be affected by it in some way or another, but seeing him become emotional because of it wasn’t helping either. He supposed that this was the type of thing that simply couldn’t be avoided when it came to how either of them reacted to the trial. What was important was their ability to overcome it. “No, it wasn’t stupid,” he cut in, a little surprised by her words. “It’s important and it will help, so how could it be stupid?” he added. He was now wondering what exactly was going through her mind. Mike wasn’t very concerned about the relationship at this point because he knew that he’d get over it, no matter what was said during the trial. In his mind, there wasn’t anything that could possibly make him reconsider his relationship with her at this point.
A slight feeling of panic shot through him when she started speaking in the past tense, as if it was over between them. “Summer…” he said her name softly as he began to realize just how worried she was about how he was handling what he had heard that day. “Leave?” he repeated the word as if the word itself sounded absurd. He had no idea she had been thinking to that extreme and his heart ached at the mere mention of leaving her. It took him a moment to be able to speak. He was in shock. “God…no, Summer. No. That’s never going to happen…ever.” His voice made an attempt to be firm, even though it was apparent that it was trembling quite a bit. His eyes focused on hers carefully, trying desperately to understand why she was so worried. “Why…why would you ever think that?” he said, still in disbelief that the thought even occurred. He now found it difficult to hold back his own tears. The thought of losing her always did that to him and he couldn’t even begin to imagine how miserable his life would be without her.
“It’s obviously not something I ever… ever really wanted to hear, but nothing like that will ever change the way I feel about you. I love you, Summer. That isn’t going to change. Please, just…please believe that,” he pleaded, hoping that she would find no reason to doubt him because he was telling the complete truth. He felt that he was repeating himself, but he guessed there was really no way for her to know just how much the testimony had affected him. Nonetheless, Michael knew that nothing about Summer’s past could make him want to leave her. He hated feeling this way. He wanted things to be normal between them, but he couldn’t seem to bring himself to act completely normal around her after what he had heard. He wrapped an arm around her as she moved closer to him and closed his eyes as she began to kiss his neck. It was true that they hadn’t been very intimate during the past few days, but he couldn’t say he had too much of a problem with it given the circumstances.
There was a deep feeling of panic when he suddenly felt the need to pull away from her. It wasn’t that he didn’t like it, but…well with what was in his head he didn’t feel right with it at that moment. Fearing he would hurt her further, he decided to try and change the subject. “Why don’t we, uh…go for a walk or something?” he asked as he slowly stood up, trying to be as nonchalant as possible, but he wasn’t entirely sure if he was successful. A walk wasn’t a terrible idea, but he hoped she wouldn’t read into his actions too much. Perhaps the fresh air would allow him to clear his head a little and be able to focus on what was most important right now. He didn’t want to make things any worse than they already were and he feared that he would end up saying something that would make her more upset if he didn’t get a chance to gather his thoughts in a way that allowed him to make more sense of things.
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Post by Summer Jackson on Jun 21, 2010 21:51:30 GMT -5
“I’d always worry about you,” Summer convinced, forcing a smile over in his direction. “I mean, I do wish it was all easier for you, but it seems stupid to think it would be and… putting myself in your shoes, well, it’s impossible not to worry,” she said, also looking down towards her lap. She wanted to change out of her court clothes, but she didn’t really have much by way of summer clothes at this house. Ever since she moved to Pasadena she had her parents send her summery clothes, but there was no need for her thick winter coats or furry boots, but now that she was spending a lot of time at the house she did wish she would have left more clothing here, just to make her life easier now. “Mike, it’s not helping!” she tried to come back after he asked her why she thought it was stupid. “All this whole trial is doing is putting stress on our relationship, which is not something I ever wanted. I thought this whole thing would… would make me feel better and more in control about what happened, but I don’t. All I can see right now is the negatives, so yeah, it was stupid,” she replied, looking down at her lap as she did. She wasn’t sure if it was all going to get better after the trial was over and Scott was hopefully in jail, but right now she was having a lot of difficulties remembering why she originally wanted to do this.
For a moment Summer felt bad for voicing her concerns about the relationship, but as Michael spoke she figured that maybe it had been a good idea. She didn’t know how it could be a bad thing to voice what she was thinking, and maybe it would make Michael realize what he had to say in order to make her more comfortable with everything that was currently going on with them. She did hate that she made him feel even worse, or at least that’s what happened in her mind, but what he then said then made her feel better, and the fact that he suddenly appeared so worried when she mentioned her worry that they would split up. “Shh, baby,” she said, looking at him and hating the tone in his voice. “I… I don’t know,” she admitted, trying to answer his last question. “I mean… I’m paranoid, we all know that. I just… I thought… maybe after hearing that… I’m sorry,” she finally just ended with a shrug of her shoulders. She couldn’t tell him exactly why she was thinking the way she was, but she did know she wasn’t thinking that way because she had been thinking straight.
“I do,” she tried to convince when he said he loved her, forcing a smile and nodding at him. There were times that she wished people would just understand what was going on in her head. Everything was second guessed, trust was an incredibly difficult thing for her to reach and she even found it hard to help herself. In her mind worrying about where the relationship she really enjoyed being in was headed made complete sense, but obviously Michael thought she was worrying over nothing so here she was, trying to make sense of why she was worried as she pressed her tongue against her boyfriend’s neck when no sense could be made. When she thought about it, he was right, and her mom was right, she had no reason to be concerned, Michael had proven to be great to her and to have a good head on his shoulders and she knew he wouldn’t make a rash decision over something as important as their serious relationship. She also knew that he cared about her and wanted to be with her just as she wanted to be with him. However, her self esteem needed a little boost. She really felt, well, kind of used up after hearing what the men had said today and she couldn’t help but wonder if that was the same way Michael felt as well.
“What?” Summer asked as Michael pulled away from her, giving him a very confused look as he stood up, but that confusion turned to hurt as she came to the realization that he had just pulled away and then continued to widen the space between them. “What?” she asked again, a little more sternly this time, trying to pull an answer from him. “And you were wondering why I was worried about us? You never pull away from me,” or at least rarely. She hadn’t been expecting it now, by all means. By this time Summer was in tears again. Yeah, she was worried. She knew Michael loved her and did believe what he had just told her, and she felt the same, but it hurt her more than anything to have Michael apparently want nothing to do with her. Sure, she may be taking it harsher than most people would, but she had never been able to shake the idea that Michael thought she was somehow damaged and wasn’t all that interested in her sexually so every time he didn’t appear to want to be intimate only endorsed those thoughts, thoughts that if she would really think about, she knew to be completely untrue. Her paranoia wasn’t completely under control, as we all know.
“You know what?” she finally said, her voice high and her throat tight. “Just… just go. I want to stay here,” she said, lying down on the couch and allowing Boggart to lick her face a couple of times before pushing him away, but still holding around his neck in the form of a hug. She wanted to cry a bit, and that’s just what she planned on doing, whether Michael left or not. Overwhelmed hardly described how she was feeling right now. She was worried about the trial and had to remember they had to finish it tomorrow (but, if she thought about it, all the hard testimonies to hear should be over), and about Michael because it was so hard for her to see him so emotionally upset and she was worried about them. “I uh… we’ll talk about it later, I guess,” she said before pushing her face into Boggart’s white fur. She wasn’t sure how obvious it was, if it was obvious at all, that she wasn’t happy about the situation and would rather him stay and fix it all. However, that being said, she didn’t want to force him to stay here if he felt that a little fresh air would help in.
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Post by Michael Brentley on Jun 23, 2010 2:01:50 GMT -5
As much as Michael wanted to argue with her, he couldn’t deny that she had a point. The trial was obviously putting a strain on their relationship. There had never been this much of an awkward feeling between them since, well, before he could even remember. It was a hard thing to accept, but the reality was that there were things that were said during the trial that Michael was having an extremely difficult time with. Before the trial had began, he was naïve and thought that he would be perfectly fine no matter what was said. He had believed that because he wanted so badly to believe it. He wanted to be strong and be able to support Summer throughout the trial no matter what. Now it turned out that the way he was reacting to the testimony was only making things harder for her. It made him wonder if it wouldn’t have been better for him to stay at her parents’ house while her family went with her for the trial. Why couldn’t he have thought of that sooner? How could he possibly think that hearing all of the intimate details about her rape as well as her past relationships would have little effect on him? It was too late to change things, but he wasn’t sure how to fix it either.
He knew that if he were given some time to think about it, he would eventually feel as though he had more control over the situation and talking about it would be a lot easier than it was for him now. He kept telling himself that it shouldn’t matter, but seeing the faces of the men who had touched her in such an intimate way had made it difficult for him not to picture her with each of them. It hurt more than he thought it should, which just made things harder on both of them. It was before they met and he had been with a few women before meeting Summer, but seeing the men and hearing them describe what they did put things in a whole new light. It had only been a few hours since hearing it, so he was still having a hard time dealing with it. He wasn’t sure what to think at this point and he felt bad that he couldn’t give Summer a more clear idea of how he felt about it. What he was sure of at this point was that he wouldn’t leave her over this. He just hoped he was able to figure things out sooner rather than later. Their current conversation was making him more and more concerned about Summer as well as their relationship.
After he had pulled away, he had really hoped she wouldn’t think much of it, but who was he kidding? It was true that he had never really pulled away from her before, so it was obvious that things weren’t quite right between them. Michael wanted so badly to be able to hold her and kiss her without any reluctance whatsoever, but that just wasn’t the case. He didn’t feel comfortable with it at that moment, but he wasn’t sure he could tell you why. It was too soon after what he had heard that day and he had hoped she would understand that, but at the same time he had told her that he would be okay. He had promised himself that he wouldn’t act differently around her anymore, but it was clear to him that it was beyond his control now. The last thing he wanted was for Summer to feel unwanted, but he didn’t know quite how to explain things to her yet because they didn’t make a lot of sense to him either. When she spoke, the guilt shot through him immediately. He didn’t know what to do; he felt so helpless. It was then that Mike realized that perhaps he should be more worried about the relationship than he had been. Maybe he was in denial about just how much the trial was affecting him. How did he know he would recover from this? How did he know he would be able to get those images out of his head anytime soon? The thoughts scared him and he suddenly felt very weak and defeated.
He stumbled over to sit on the leg of the couch, just in case his knees gave out from under him. Why was he so panicked? That certainly wouldn’t help things, especially with Summer being as paranoid as she was. He took several deep breaths when she told him to go. When he reached a hand up to run it through his hair, he noticed his hands were shaking. “Summer, please,” he said quietly, struggling to speak now. He hated this. All he wanted to do was to be strong and comfort her. He wanted to tell her that he was fine and there was absolutely nothing to worry about, but how on earth was he supposed to do that when he couldn’t even put himself together? Seeing him in the state he was in would only make Summer feel worse and in turn he would wonder what this all meant for the two of them. “I-I’m sorry, I…I’m going to…take a w-walk,” he managed to say. He sat there a moment longer before finally finding the ability to stand. It was extremely difficult for him to leave her while she was crying like she was, but he felt he didn’t have a choice. If he didn’t sort out his own thoughts and feelings, he feared they wouldn’t be able to recover from this.
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An hour passed as he continued his walk around the Jackson property. It was a rather large estate, so finding a peaceful place to take a stroll wasn’t an issue. He had calmed down significantly and was able to clear his mind a bit. His panic had ceased and he now wondered why he had been so worried in the first place. Michael had no intention of letting things fall apart between him and Summer. This was the first time in their relationship that he had actually questioned whether it had a possibility of ending. Well, besides the time when Victor had falsely told him that Summer had decided to break up with him, but he wasn’t going to count that one. He knew the trial would be difficult for both of them, but he had no idea it would be so intense and he certainly didn’t think it would put so much of a strain on their relationship. Everything had been going perfectly well upon their arrival in Colorado, so there was no reason for him to think that things would be so rough between them. He hated himself for letting things get so out of hand, but it was far more overwhelming than he had ever thought it would be for him.
He spent another several minutes outside, sitting on the front porch. Before going inside, he wanted to make sure he had sorted through his doubts and was able to feel confident about his relationship with Summer once again. It took a lot longer than he thought it would, but things had gotten rather out of hand so it was necessary to take as much time as he thought was needed. His breath had evened out and the images in his head were far more subtle than they had been nearly two hours ago. If he had given himself more time to think about things once the day’s proceedings were over, he felt the conversation with Summer would have gone a lot better, but that was his mistake. He should never have talked about it before he was ready. As he thought about the damage that had likely been done, he started to worry about what Summer would say to him when he went back inside. Would he be able to make sense of everything now and ease her paranoia? He felt that he could. In fact, the more he thought about it, the more he just wanted to be close to her at that moment. With that in mind, he stood up and quickly went back into the house. He found Victor first and decided he would most likely know where she was. “Where’s Summer?” he asked, not sure how much her father knew about the conversation Mike had with Summer a little while earlier, but he hoped it wasn’t too much. He feared that walking out and leaving Summer alone like he did wouldn’t make him look too great as far as her family was concerned, but Michael had felt that was the best option for both of them at the time.
((ooc: hope this works. let me know if you need anything changed ;] ))
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Post by Summer Jackson on Jun 28, 2010 2:36:57 GMT -5
Summer did remember a certain awkwardness before this, but that was right when they had gotten together. Even accepting food from him felt so weird. He was her teacher for crying out loud! She shouldn’t be sleeping over at his house (separate rooms at that time of course), hoping to see his name on her caller ID and never kiss him by all means. For the first couple weeks things had been very weird between them, there was always a hesitation before a touch and an embarrassed look after a kiss. And don’t even start on the first time they made out, Summer could hardly figure out where to put her hands or how to sit that close to him comfortably, because she hadn’t been sure if he would allow her on his lap at that time. She just couldn’t deny that it was a little awkward to have her tongue in her teacher’s mouth. Luckily, that feeling did fade rather quickly, when they realized that it wasn’t just a strong attraction towards each other because it was forbidden, but they really did care for each other. Things got better quickly after that realization came to Summer. But now, well, she was just stuck. She didn’t even know how to talk to him anymore, and that had never been a problem before. She hated to see him so hurt and in so much pain over the trial she asked him to come to and now they couldn’t get over it.
Right now Summer simply didn’t know what to do or say. She knew he was having a hard time dealing with that he had heard today, but she couldn’t go back in time and fix that, and that’s what was killing her. He had even asked her this morning if she wanted him to see the trail, and she refused to make that choice for him, but looking she really wished she just asked him to wait outside. She was bad at setting limits and now it was biting her. She had an idea that he wouldn’t want to hear what the men had to say and now she was proven correct. He was taking it harder than she thought he would though, but she couldn’t judge that. He had never seen that wild side of her and knew her to be a conservative young woman who refused to make eye contact during the sex scenes of a movie. She was doing better with things like that, sure, but she felt that hearing of men doing something to her that she hadn’t even allowed him to do yet had to be incredibly painful. A part of her thought he would feel better if she managed to prove to him that he was the one she wanted and the only one she even had a slight interest in. However, she figured she was wrong after he had moved away within moments of her lips touching his skin.
When Michael said he was leaving Summer nodded but no sooner had he left the room that she started sobbing even harder than she had been before. What was this trial doing to her? She had been told that she would feel in control for naming her rapist for what he is and feel like she could finally get on with her life and instead she had been spending a lot of the last two days in tears and awkwardness around her boyfriend. If she knew she was going to feel like this during the trial she seriously doubted if she would ever go through with it. As she cried, which lasted a while, her mother walked in the room and saw her, turning around and leaving soon after she did. She, instead, sent her sisters in. Maggie was smart enough to know that Summer would be more comfortable talking about her boyfriend with her sisters than her mother. When Josie and Riley walked in they went straight to getting Summer off the couch, to which Summer complained, but the other two convinced her she could cry just as easily out at the stable as she could on the couch and at the stable she wouldn’t bother the surrounding rooms with her loud sobs. She was taken upstairs, changed out of her nice clothes and into jeans and a t-shirt of Riley’s before lazily following her siblings outside.
Summer didn’t exactly have fun at the stable, she groomed her pony and watched Josie do some amazing feats, but with tears in her eyes the whole time. Sure, she told her sisters what the problem was, but they had a difficult time helping. Sure, they tried, but neither really knew what was going on and why she was so upset. That and the fact that they kept saying stuff that made her cry harder. She really just wanted to talk to Michael right now. Well, no, that was wrong too. She just wanted to be held, have sweet nothings whispered in her ears and feel close to him and the fact that she was doubting if he would ever want the same thing again, and that’s why she needed to talk to him and he just walked away. Okay, sure, she told him to, but she had still been hoping it would stick around.
Meanwhile, back in the house, Victor turned when he heard someone enter the room to see Michael standing there. He put down the papers he had been staring blankly at, he hadn’t been able to do any sort of work since the trial started, but he was still going to try, and half glared towards Michael. When he asked about Summer Victor couldn’t help but roll his eyes. “Oh, now you want to see her? What happened before? When you left her alone sobbing and terrified you were going to leave her?” he asked, standing up to walk towards Michael. “I’m not sure where she is…” he started, but stopped as he saw Summer walk into the room behind Michael, her sisters behind her. “Daddy, just… just leave him alone. I told him to leave,” she said firmly, looking down at her hands as Boggart trotted up to Michael, putting his head under the man’s hand to ask for a pet. Sure, she left out the part where she didn’t want him to leave, but even if she was mad at Michael she didn’t want her father to be. All she really wanted was for her father to leave her boyfriend alone, but Victor didn’t quite understand that, or something.
“I…” she paused for a second as she glanced up to Mike for a second. Her eyes were red and swollen, making it obvious that she hadn’t really stopped crying while he had been away. She pushed a loose strand of hair from her face before taking a step towards the door of the room again. “I wanna change,” she said, in a way that encouraged Michael to follow her. Yeah, she knew her father didn’t like Mike in her room, but she was a big girl and could make that decision on her own. And whatever Michael wanted to see her for she didn’t want anyone to be a part of that conversation. If dinner still wasn’t coming up soon she would just say they should go back to the hotel, but she knew Mike wouldn’t do too well for the rest of the night if he didn’t eat something. Once in her room Summer closed the main door behind them before grabbing a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt before going into the bathroom to change. She had been fairly open with her body around Michael as of late, but today she closed the door completely when she changed. After coming back out, now looking like she wanted to do nothing but lounge around the house and read a book, she put the clothes she had been wearing in the empty hamper before looking towards her boyfriend, not saying anything. She didn't know what to say, but he was the one who came to find her,
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Post by Michael Brentley on Jun 29, 2010 23:29:52 GMT -5
Michael did feel guilty for leaving Summer alone in the state she was in, but he felt that taking some time to himself was the best thing to do at that moment. If he had stayed, there was no telling what he might have said to make things worse. Not that he would say anything to insult her in any way, but he would guess that his inability to give her clear answers on anything would make her feel even worse. She was worried about him leaving her, yet he didn’t feel as though he could reassure her to the extent that he wanted to. He was having a hard enough time dealing with his own doubts and that had really scared him, so the lack of comfort that he gave her had to hurt. Pulling away from her like he did was something he never thought he would ever do, but the testimony that day had changed things for him. That wasn’t to say that the change was irreversible, but it was a difficult obstacle to overcome.
As he approached Victor, he wasn’t too concerned about what he might have to say, just as long as he found out where Summer was. He wasn’t about to give Victor any details because he was certain he wouldn’t get a very understanding response from it. Michael would much rather work things out with Summer first before he started trying to explain anything to anyone else. As he saw Victor get up, Mike’s hands were placed on his hips as if he was preparing to defend himself, but luckily, he didn’t have to. Upon hearing Summer’s voice, he immediately turned to look at her. It was hard to put into words just how relieved he was to see her. Sure, he would have preferred it if her eyes weren’t swollen and there weren’t still tears in her eyes, but at least she was here, right? He was a little afraid that she would refuse to talk to him or someone in the family would prevent him from seeing her. That would make things far more difficult for him than they already were because all he wanted to do at that moment was to talk to her and sort things out.
The guilt came flooding back as he heard her attempt to speak. He didn’t necessarily expect her to say much in front of her father at this point, but he had hoped he would at least hear something that would give him more confidence about the conversation he planned to have with her. Even though he felt that his thoughts made more sense now, it didn’t seem to help his nerves much. Their relationship was on the line here and he really hoped he would be able to make it clear just how much he wanted to be with her and that things would be alright between them. Perhaps it wouldn’t happen right away, but it wasn’t out of his hands yet. He glanced at Victor once more before following Summer upstairs, feeling his hands begin to shake as he did. A few deep breaths were taken in order to try to calm himself down a bit, but he wasn’t sure it helped much. It was a little surprising that Summer chose to change with the door closed. Then again, when he took a second to think about it, it wasn’t all that strange. It had been a while since she had changed without leaving the door at least halfway open, or even bothering with the door at all. He felt like their relationship was in a backwards spiral and he hoped he would be able to set things right again.
He had simply been standing in the middle of the room as he waited for her to change. It seemed nearly impossible to think of exactly the right thing to say to her, but he hoped that just being as honest as possible would somehow work out. That wasn’t to say that he considered saying anything that he didn’t believe, but he had wondered whether to leave certain things out or not. Once she came out, he gave her a small smile as he looked at her with an affectionate gaze, yet it still showed the pain he was feeling with all of this. He felt this was his fault and wasn’t at all happy with the way he had handled it. “I’m so sorry, baby. I…I just needed some time to think about all this. I never meant for you to think I would leave you,” he began, thinking about what her father had told him. It wasn’t a ridiculous thought because he had also been very worried about just how much this was going to affect their relationship. He stepped towards her and took her hands in his, if she let him. “I…I can’t tell you how much I love you, Summer. I know I haven’t exactly been handling all of this well, but I haven’t lost sight of what’s truly important,” he told her, his eyes staring into hers. This was certainly a difference from earlier, when he could barely even make eye contact with her.
Before continuing, he took a few steps back before walking over towards her bed to have a seat. He had tugged at her arms slightly before going to sit down to let her know he wanted her to sit with him. Once he sat down, he patted the space beside her to once again let her know he wanted her next to him. He didn’t plan on this being a short conversation, so he figured they might as well be comfortable. Besides that, he wanted to show her that he was more than comfortable to be close to her, which would be another change from earlier. He waited for her to sit down, if she agreed to do so, before continuing to speak. “I know this trial isn’t quite turning out the way we expected in terms of how it would affect us, but that doesn’t mean we can’t work past it,” he said before taking another deep breath. This clearly wasn’t easy for him, but there was no doubt that he was doing far better than he was before.
“I can’t really excuse what happened earlier, but I don’t see you any differently than I did before. I just…I needed time to figure out exactly how I felt about everything, about hearing all of those details about…well, you know,” he continued while dropping his gaze for the first time. The subject was always going to feel slightly awkward due to the fact that sex was currently non-existent in their relationship for the time being, something he was still convinced didn’t bother him too much. However, after hearing what he heard that day, he couldn’t deny it was bothering him a little more than it had before. His gaze returned to hers after a short moment, knowing he had no reason to avoid eye contact this time. “Now that I’ve had time to think, I’m able to digest everything and am no longer stuck on the images that I had in my head. We both have pieces of our lives that probably aren’t a good idea to mention to each other, but that doesn’t change who we are. It was necessary for the trial and I'm sure this trial will make a whole lot more sense when it’s all over. That being said, I’m definitely not going to let it ruin what we have,” he finished, taking her hands in his once again if she allowed him to. He wanted to kiss her, but he wasn’t sure it would be entirely appropriate at that moment. All he could do now was hope he hadn’t said the wrong things.
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Post by Summer Jackson on Jul 1, 2010 1:36:42 GMT -5
Summer was still wondering if she should have asked Mike to stay, just for the comfort, even if the two of them didn’t talk. Having Michael walk out on her was painful, especially when she was sobbing so heavily. She really questioned if she should have asked him to stay or go on a walk with him or anything like that because being away from him for that time didn’t help her at all. It just made her wonder what could be going on in his mind, and why he wanted to leave her sobbing there in the first place. He had to be tired of her crying, right? Or he just didn’t want to be around her after hearing what he heard today because he now saw her as dirty. The lack of explanation only made her mind start going in fast forward trying to come up with her own reasons for why he was thinking the way he was, and the longer he was away the more crazy the ideas became. Yeah, it would really just help if he could hold her and tell her he loved her and instead he left her crying on the couch. She really did feel she had the right to be upset right now.
Summer had to admit that she didn’t feel any better once she saw Michael again. Yes, she knew the two of them needed to talk but he had really hurt her an hour ago. Now beyond her worry for both him and their relationship, she was hurt. Michael had insulted her when he pulled away from her with nothing like an explanation for it either. She suddenly realized how he must feel when she would deny him, but, at the same time, he knew that could happen from the beginning of their relationship. From the day they got together it was known by both of them that Mike was going to want more in their physical relationship faster than she would so it was to be assumed that Summer would pull away from time to time, and she couldn’t imagine that he felt this awful each and every time she refused his advances. If he ever told her he felt like this she would try harder to reassure him that it wasn’t him and she didn’t have any issues with him and all that because she never wanted him to feel like she did right now. She loved him too much to wish that on him.
Back up in her room Summer found herself having a hard time even looking at her boyfriend. He had caused her so much pain after the trail, when this really was supposed to be about her. She needed someone to comfort her and what she got instead was she was trying to comfort someone else while never getting a chance to talk about anything that may be bothering her. She wasn’t used to it, at all, and then there was the fact that she was used to having someone talk to her about her problems twice a week and she hadn’t had that since they got to Colorado. She missed her therapy sessions, to say the least; they always really helped her collect her thoughts, and he thought Mike had to like them as well. The sessions relaxed her and helped her work through things, which gave her more to give, mentally and therefore physically, to Mike. What guy wouldn’t like that? Well, not she was questioning that, but thinking about that wouldn’t help her right now.
“What did you mean to do?” she asked, blue eyes rolling to the top of her head and leaning back on her heels a little. She had been unable to not say anything, he had already telling him she was worried he didn’t want to be with her and then he left her sobbing on a couch? When he took her hands in his she paused for a second, looking down at their hands before pulling them away forcefully. She crossed her arms over her chest as she did, mostly because she knew Mike knew better than to grab at her chest. “And what’s that?” she snapped back again, after he mentioned something being truly important. If he hadn’t lost tract of what’s important she didn’t quite understand what that could be, because she had doubted how much he loved her and cared for her for the last hour. She did, however, allow her eyes to stay with his, even though tears were falling down her cheeks and she had to look away for a moment to wipe her eyes clear of tears.
When he took a seat on her bed she watched him and hesitated when she saw him pat the bed beside him but in the end went and sat down as well, but did do as far as she could from him, but still on the same side of the bed. She scoffed when he said he couldn’t excuse what had happened. Understatement didn’t even seem to cover that. “I told you that’s what you’d be hearing,” she looked at him with a shake of her head. “You chose to listen and then you treated me like… like that. I just… I,” she shook her head and shut her mouth, basically saying she didn’t know what she was trying to say so wasn’t going to try to say anything else. After he was done speaking she stayed silent as he took her hands again, and this time she let him. She stared at their hands for a moment before lifting her gaze to his face. “Could’ve fooled me,” she finally said, referring to him saying he wasn’t going to let the trial ruin what they had. “This… this whole trial has been changing the way you treat me, and I hate those changes. So… how is that not ruining what we have?” she finally started, trying to come up with what to say before the words came from her mouth, but her thoughts were so scattered she soon realized she was just going to have to make things up as she went.
“If… if you don’t see me any differently why are you treating me like… like I’m diseased and you want nothing to do with me? I don’t get it,” she finally took her hands back from his so she could hide her face in her hands. She took a moment to collect herself before starting again, “I know it wasn’t something you wanted to hear, I understand that, I’d rather do anything,” an exaggeration, of course, “other than hear girls talk about you like that, but it’s not like I made you listen. You knew about them from the beginning. It’s not like I’ve been pretending to be some innocent little girl who’s never been with anyone and…” she shook her head again. She wanted him to hold her, but was scared to move towards him and ask for the contact because the last time she did he moved away. “It’s not fair. None of this is fair. I… he… it’s not my fault. I didn’t want him to and… and I… I’m still being blamed f-for everything that-that’s come of it,” oh, this wasn’t good, she was turning back to blaming herself. “I just wanted to feel more… more in control but now… all I feel is stupid for… for thinking this was a good idea. I just want things to go back to the way they were but I… I don’t know if that can happen,” she finished, turning her back to him slightly and leaning her elbows on her knees and resting her face in her hands so she could cry. She didn’t want to cry anymore but if things stayed awkward with Michael she didn’t know if she would ever be able to stop.
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Post by Michael Brentley on Jul 1, 2010 3:14:53 GMT -5
This was all becoming far more difficult than he thought it would be. Michael had anticipated a different reaction from Summer and didn’t realize just how much he had hurt her. She had told him to leave, so he left, which he thought was the best thing for the both of them. He knew she needed comfort, but how could he comfort her when he was as mixed up as he was? Listening to the testimony had been a bad idea, obviously, but he couldn’t go back and change that now. He had walked out a bit later than he probably should have, but his main reason for being there was for Summer, not to hear what the men had to say. He honestly hadn’t thought it would affect him in this way and he felt rather helpless with it all. It made him want to doubt whether the trial was a good idea or not, but in the end he knew it was important. There was no sense in letting Scott get off with no consequences after what he did and Michael wanted to see to it that he was put behind bars. Maybe it wouldn’t help as much as he hoped it would, but it had to give Summer some kind of security, right?
The first thing she said caught him off-guard. The question almost seemed as though it should be rhetorical, but it was clear that it wasn’t, which worried him. “I…what?” he said, a little confused. He cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck out of nervousness. He just didn’t know what to say to that because he didn’t think it was something he would have to explain. The next question had him just as concerned. It actually startled him a bit when she ripped her hands away from him. It was then that he realized just how terrible this situation had become. “That I love you, Summer. That nothing means more to me in this world than you,” he replied as quickly as he could think of an answer. He felt then need to rush his thoughts and words because he was panicking a little now. The conversation he expected to have with her wasn’t happening. Over an hour was spent by himself, thinking about how he felt about all this, yet he hadn’t spent much time thinking about how Summer might react to him and how much him leaving had impacted her. It was stupid to think that things would be settled with a simple conversation. Last night had been difficult, but that was nothing compared to today. Today he actually feared losing her and it felt like someone had punched him hard in the gut.
When she sat down, this time he wasn’t surprised by her choice to sit on the other side of the bed. Michael bit his lip and took a deep breath after she started her next response. “I know you did. I wanted to be there for you. That’s why I was there…” he said, before quickly realizing the type of response his comment might get. “And yes, I want to be here for you, Summer. I’m sorry I haven’t been able to handle it. I want so badly to just forget it and move on, but it’s a lot harder than I thought it would be. Please, just…I shouldn’t have come. I know that now, but I can’t change that now,” he pleaded, hoping she would somehow understand, but with how upset she was, he was skeptical on whether he’d be able to explain things well enough. He ran a hand through his hair before smoothing it back down on his head. Anything to keep his nervous hands from shaking too badly. He didn’t know what to do. As much as he wanted to do things differently, he couldn’t help the way he had been feeling earlier. He hated not being able to comfort Summer and fully support her like he was meant to do for the duration of the trial, but he had been completely blindsided by the emotions he felt after the testimony he had heard. It took a while to digest something like that; he only wished he could be stronger.
His head and shoulders motioned backwards in surprise at her words. Now he was beginning to wonder if she really meant what she was saying. Regardless, it still hurt. The tears started flooding into his eyes, causing him to turn away and wipe them quickly as if trying to hide them. “I…Summer, don’t…it’s not,” he stuttered, trying desperately to find the right words to say that would somehow make things better. “It’s not…ruining it, we just…we have to—“ he struggled to say before cutting himself off as his voice cracked. He took a deep breath to try to steady his breathing, but it didn’t do much good. “It’s a lot to take in…I’m s-sorry, for everything. I know I haven’t been as strong as you’d like me to be,” he responded as he played with the bedspread beneath his fingers. “I need time to think, to clear my head. It’s not that I don’t want you Summer, because I do. You have no idea how much,” he said as he looked up at her again, the tears now evident in his eyes and impossible to mask.
Mike wasn’t willing to give up. He wanted her to know just how much she meant to him and that he was still very much attracted to her in every way he could possibly think of. It took him a moment to figure out what she was talking about when she started speaking again, but he caught on once she mentioned a ‘him’ that Michael knew was indicating Scott. Another deep breath was taken and he shook his head when she mentioned people blaming her. “Of course it’s not your fault! No one’s blaming you,” he tried to reassure her, even though he wasn’t entirely sure of who she was referring to exactly. He immediately shook his head when she mentioned things not being able to be as they were before. “Don’t…don’t say that, Summer. Don’t say that,” he repeated as he moved closer to her. He wanted to be close to her now, but he wasn’t sure if she would allow it based on how she reacted to him just moments ago. It was worth the risk though, wasn’t it? He didn’t think things could get too much worse. He scooted so he was sitting right beside her. “It will be fine. I’m not going to let this end, Summer. I won’t. I love you, I love you so much,” he said as the tears came flooding back to him once again. His arms were wrapped around her, holding him close to him and praying she would allow it, but given the state she was in, he was very hopeful. “I’m not going to lose you,” he whispered as he kissed the fabric on her shoulder a few times. He wasn’t sure how he let it get to this; he just hoped it wasn’t too late for him to make things right between them.
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Post by Summer Jackson on Jul 2, 2010 3:51:16 GMT -5
It had taken Summer three years before deciding to go through with this trial and that was due not only to fear but due to never quite being sure what good it would do. It wouldn’t take back what happened to her, she would always be carrying around the idea that she had been raped by someone she had thought she cared about and that fact would eat at her for the rest of her life, no matter how hard she tried to push the thought away. Bringing Scott to trial wouldn’t change the fact that she was on multiple medications to control paranoia, panic attacks and depression and that she had been in and out of hospitals to deal with anorexia. She would never feel as if she had full control of her life again so what was the point of facing her number one fear to have nothing change except maybe have a little closure on the subject? It had taken three years for everyone in her life to finally convince her that she needed to do this not only for herself but for the other women that would be in his life in the future. That’s what had finally gotten to her. If she could keep someone else from going through what she went through she would do it. See, at least she wasn’t selfish anymore. Now, though, she really wished she had been and had stayed in Pasadena happily living with her boyfriend.
“You have a funny way of showing that,” she admitted after he said that he loved her. She was having a bit of a hard time believing that right now. If he loved her so much why did he leave her crying or pull away from her? Sure, she wasn’t thinking completely logically, right now she was just running on emotions and her emotions weren’t letting her feel anything but hurt towards him right now. After he spoke again Summer did open her mouth to say something, but was quieted when he continued and she was forced to listen. Sure, she may be upset with him but she did love him. He had every right to explain, and she wanted him to as well because she would feel much better if she finally understood where he was coming from. “I know that,” she said defensively when he finished speaking, “but that doesn’t give you the right to treat me like crap.” Now, if she would think about it clearing she did know he had yet to actually treat her too poorly. It was mostly just the fact that he had pulled away and then left and that hurt her and in her mind that was equivalent to yelling at or insulting her.
After his next set of words Summer saw the tears in his eyes and it pulled at her heart. She hated seeing him upset at all, he didn’t deserve that, and she hated that she felt that she was the reason for his tears. That being said, she didn’t know how she could have avoided it. She was trying her hardest to explain what she was feeling and she did hate that those feelings were upsetting him but maybe now he understood why she was upset and how she had taken his previous actions. She also couldn’t deny that she would like him to be a little stronger with everything right now. She normally was fine with him showing a more sensitive side, but she needed the comfort now and instead she felt the need to comfort him. She felt like she was being spread way too thin with just dealing with how she was feeling with the trial, and now she was dealing with how Michael was feeling too? She couldn’t be stretched any further without breaking, and everyone that had been around Summer today knew that she was very close to that happening. That being said, she had no idea what to say that wouldn’t hurt him more, so she just nodded and looked at her lap.
She shook her head when he tried to convince her it wasn’t her fault once again. She got tired of hearing that quickly after it happened. She blamed herself. She couldn’t count the number of times she had gone through the sequence of events and thought of something she could do differently to have the night end on a higher note. Now she felt like she was being blamed by others as well because she was being treated differently, like they thought she was different now that they knew the about exactly what happened to her. She listened to Mike continue. When he wrapped his arms around her she stiffened up very noticeable and even had a hand on his chest, ready to push him away, but before she could she realized he was finally doing what she wanted him to do. It took a couple deep breaths and that finally allowed her to relax into his arms and lean her weight on him. She liked what she heard him say and liked the feelings of his kisses on her covered shoulder. She wanted to encourage him to find somewhere to kiss that wasn’t covered in clothing, but she was still worried he would refuse such contact so didn’t move.
“I don’t want you to go anywhere,” she said softly, finally wrapping her arms around him and wrapping her fingers around his pressed shirt. “I… I love you. I just love you so much; I couldn’t forgive myself if this trial caused me to lose you,” she mumbled, hoping he was able to understand her through her sobs and the fact that her face was pressed into his shoulder. She kept quiet for a little while before deciding there was something she felt she should say, so he would understand how she was feeling at the moment. “I know this is really hard for you,” she started, wanting him to know she did understand that this wasn’t a walk in the park, “I know, but I… I,” she had to pause in order to collect her thoughts, mostly because she was so worried that he would take what she had to say the wrong way, “But I feel that… this is becoming more about you than it is about me. I mean… the first thing my parents asked after the trial today was if you were okay. I just… I need this to be about me, and I know that sounds selfish but… you have no idea what this is like,” she finished, moving her face back and forth over his shirt, trying to calm herself down but it was very difficult for her to do that right now. “I… I’m violated and… everyone heard what you heard today. My parents and… strangers and... I feel like he may as well have…” she paused, “never mind,” she decided not to finish what she was going to say, he didn’t have to hear that.
“It’s just… I love you, more than anything and when I felt I needed you you pulled away and left. That hurt, more than you know,” she spent a couple seconds crying into his chest before she realized how her words could be taken and quickly opened her mouth again. “It’s not your fault; I’m not blaming you or anything. You're doing your best, but...” she shrugged once again before going back to sobbing and leaning on her boyfriend. She was trying her best to be completely open with him and explain why she was feeling the way she was so they could sort out this argument and go back to being a loving couple, but she knew it was next to impossible for Michael to understand why she was feeling the way she was, but she had no hope but to try.
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Post by Michael Brentley on Jul 15, 2010 1:36:49 GMT -5
It was hard for Michael to think of a way in which things could’ve been done differently, but there seemed to be plenty of cons with any direction they took. When he had spoken to Summer before going to court that day, Mike had figured that being there would be the better choice because otherwise he would feel as though he were abandoning her in some way. He wanted her to be able to talk to him about it without having her explain exactly what happened during the trial. Of course, having her talk about hasn’t been much of an option up to this point. His intentions had been nothing but good, so he wasn’t sure how he managed to let things get so out of hand. He realized that he reacted in a way that came across as rather offensive to Summer, but he didn’t know what else to do. She would have discovered that something was wrong either way, so he wasn’t sure if pulling away from her was that much different than it would have been if he had simply sat there being unresponsive to her gestures. There was far too much going on in his head at the time for him to be completely comfortable with anything like that. It was odd, especially for him, to feel the way he did which was why he had been so scared. He hadn’t been expecting it, so it was impossible for him to know how to handle it.
Her words once again dug in deep and he looked at her in disbelief. He had no idea what to say to that. He felt helpless and he felt the situation was slipping out of his control almost completely. He didn’t feel he should have to argue the point, so he did his best to just move on and focus on getting things back on track. After she mentioned something about treating her like crap, Mike rose an eyebrow and had a somewhat confused look on his face. Sure, maybe he hadn’t handled things perfectly, but he didn’t think he had treated her as carelessly as she seemed to believe. He left because he was afraid of what he might say to her due to his mixed up thoughts and emotions. If she had asked him to stay, he would have, but she had given him the option of leaving. In any other circumstance, he would have stayed anyway, but things were far more complicated than that at the time. Michael did hope he would be able to stay strong from here on out with the trial. He knew Summer needed that from him and so far he hadn’t been much help. He hadn’t wanted her to worry about him, but it had to be impossible to ignore the way he had reacted. It still wasn’t entirely clear to him why he felt the way he did after hearing the testimony that day, but he knew now that it wasn’t a lasting feeling and his feelings for Summer hadn’t changed.
“You can’t lose me,” he assured her in firm, yet passionate tone that made it clear that he very much believed what he said. “And I’m not going anywhere,” he added to make sure she knew exactly what his intentions were. He didn’t see how anything could cause him to leave short of her calling it quits between them, which he hoped would never happen. Of course, even then he’d most likely be fighting for her for a long time afterwards. She meant too much to him for him to give up easily. Despite everything he had heard during the trial, he felt it could never be enough to change the way he felt about Summer. It might take him some time to completely accept it and no longer have to think about it, but he knew now that it wasn’t something that he could at least handle until the feelings passed. He moved closer to her and continued to hold her as she cried into his shoulder. At that moment he just wanted to hold her and allow her to calm down, but at the same time he knew that it would be really difficult for her to relax at all until they sorted all of this out. Neither of them would be able to sleep that night if anything was left up in the air and to have it drag out into the morning would make the last day of the trial even more painful for Summer than it most likely already would be.
The silence made him a little nervous, but at the same time he figured it was a good sign considering how she had reacted to his comments earlier. However, he was a bit relieved when she spoke again since he wasn’t sure of what to say, or if him breaking the silence was a good idea at all. He listened closely to what she had to say, and he had to admit he felt rather foolish for not realizing these points sooner. There certainly seemed to be a lot of concern for how he was handling everything, but it seemed so obvious to him now that he shouldn’t have received as much attention on the matter as he did. What was worse, he hadn’t given her much of a chance to talk about how she felt about everything that was going on with the trial. Their talk the previous night had revolved around Michael’s reaction and how he had treated her that day, rather than how she was handling the trial itself. He looked down as she once again mentioned him pulling away from her earlier. His thoughts were initially rather defensive, still not quite sure why she wasn’t more understanding for why he did what he did. After giving it some more thought, however, he did realize that it wasn’t right to claim that he had no choice in the situation because he clearly did. It didn’t matter that his thoughts were mixed up because all he had to do was hold her and try to calm her down, at the very least.
It did make him feel slightly better when she said it wasn’t his fault, but that didn’t erase the guilt that came with his realizations. The fact that she had been hurt by what he did wasn’t something that could be changed through argument. It didn’t matter what reasons he had for this or that because he had been missing the bottom line. He took a deep breath and sat quietly for a moment to gather his thoughts before deciding to speak. “You’re right. You’re completely right,” he admitted as he rubbed his forehead gently. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t…god, I feel like such an idiot,” he continued, shaking his head. Summer had been getting the support and comfort of her family and boyfriend throughout the trial, but it wasn’t nearly the amount that she needed and Mike knew that now. There wasn’t much he could think to do that would have helped him deal with things a whole lot better without knowing how he would react before-hand. Then again, he still felt he hadn’t done everything possible to make sure Summer had someone to talk to and to be her rock throughout the trial as he had initially intended.
It certainly didn’t help that Michael still was trying to figure out why he had let things get to him to such a large degree. It had caused him to lose focus on what was truly important and he couldn’t believe that Summer had to point it out to him before he realized just how much harder things were for her because of the way he acted towards her. It wasn’t just the stress of worrying about what her boyfriend was thinking, but she also lost him as a form of support in the process. “I’ve been so preoccupied with things that ultimately don’t matter…I don’t even know how I let that happen,” he told her as he cleared his throat. He still had a small frog in his throat from his emotions, but he felt far more composed than he had been moments ago, mostly because he felt more confident that the relationship wasn’t near the end after all. “I can do better. I know I can do better. You deserve so much better. I’m sorry for treating you like that…for hurting you. I’ve been focusing on all the wrong things,” he told her as his head rested against hers. He knew there was no way for him to ever understand how she was feeling through all of this, but he certainly could do better in making sure she had someone to turn to no matter what happened.
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Post by Summer Jackson on Jul 16, 2010 1:57:10 GMT -5
A part of Summer knew that just saying her emotion filled thoughts wasn’t going to help anything between Mike and her. She didn’t want to hurt him and seeing the looks he kept giving her, she knew that’s exactly what she had been doing. Sure, he had hurt her and she felt that is was obvious that he didn’t know how much, but it wouldn’t help anything if she tried to do the same. It would just make bitter feelings between them, which they didn’t need, of course. She also was now realizing that it might have been better if she would have thought more about her than about him when their argument first started. She knew that he only left because she told him it was okay and she now knew that she should have asked him to stay instead. It only hurt her all the more to have Mike pull away from her only to leave the room completely. She felt as if he didn’t want to be around her at all, and that didn’t help her already paranoid mind. They didn’t have to talk, they just had to be together, but she couldn’t blame him for that. She told him to leave, so why was she so upset about it? She was hurt and him leaving was what hurt her so it was hard to get over right away, even though, in her logical mind, she knew she had no real right to be so upset.
When he first spoke Summer couldn’t help the smile that crossed her lips. If neither of them wanted their relationship to end, they had to find a way to work it out, right? That really was the only logical direction to go in her mind. It helped her to know that he did want to be with her and didn’t have any intentions of leaving her. How wouldn’t that make a girl feel better after what was going on today? She leaned back and looked at him, mostly so he could see her tearful face have a small smile now covering it, before leaning back on him and running her hand up and down his back in small motions. Though he did manage to put her mind slightly at ease, he also knew her well enough to know that she wouldn’t be able to relax completely until she was certain their relationship was back to as normal. Well, as normal as it could possibly get after today, that is. She really just wanted her boyfriend back, which she knew sounded odd because he really hadn’t gone anywhere, but for the last two days he had only be acting like the man she had fallen head over heels on and off. She wasn’t used to him not being able to explain how he was feeling or not wanting to be next to her and, while she didn’t mind comforting him, she had hoped she wouldn’t have to while she needed comforting herself.
When he responded to her truthful words she was rather surprised by his answer, but pleased at the same time. As he continued she just stayed wrapped in his arms and gave a small smile when she felt his head rest on hers. She had never quite understood how that could be comfortable for him, she figured her head was hard and well, itchy with all the hair, but it didn’t matter. She liked feeling as if he was depending on her to support him, even though she didn’t want to actually be doing that right now. Any other time, sure, but not right now. “You really do make it hard to stay mad at you,” she said softly, reaching up and putting her hand on the back of his neck softly. She did agree with everything he had just said so didn’t want to tell him he was wrong just to make him feel better so was actually not quite sure what to say, so instead just sat here, her hand on his neck as she breathed in the pleasant scent of is cologne. She did, however, know that the silences weren’t all that good for them at the moment so knew she had to find something to say. And she figured out it would be a success as long as she didn’t make things worse again.
“I… I’m just happy you understand,” she said, not wanting to move at all, worrying she’d make him move as well. “I… know you can’t help the way you feel about all this, and you have every right to feel the way you do but…” she paused again and this time took a deep breath in the form of a sigh as she closed her eyes for the first time since they got into her room. “I… I guess I just… I don’t understand why you acted the way you did. It doesn’t… I mean… I guess, if we switched roles, I’d do the opposite of what you did, I… I think I’d cling and,” she shrugged and shut her mouth, knowing she was blabbing a bit. She took another deep breath and reached back with both arms again to grab a hold of the shirt across his back once again, she liked having her hands around something, made her feel more secure.
It took her quite to some to know what to say. She didn’t think it was okay, so she didn’t want to say that and she really didn’t want him to think that he didn’t have the right to talk about his feelings either, but she was having a hard time putting all of that into words that could form a sentence. For a short amount of time she sat there before figuring she had to try. “I… I know you can’t work all this out on your own, I understand you need someone to talk to, but so do I and I don’t… I don’t feel like I’ve gotten that chance, and even if I have I… I don’t really wanna put that all on you when you’re obviously having a hard time with this too and… I just don’t know what do to anymore,” she finished as her voice because tighter and higher and tears threatened once again. “I know I wouldn’t have been able to even get this far without you being here with me. And now I… I’m so confused and what happened after the trial today didn’t help at all ‘cause I just feel there’s more on my plate and I know you didn’t mean for that to happen and… I don’t know. I’m not making any sense,” she finally admitted, pushing her face into his chest once again. She really was having a rather hard time with this and what hurt even more was that she couldn’t seem to explain it so she really hoped Mike would be able to fill in the blanks.
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